heed the warning signs please

Submitted by love is blind (United States), Jan 6, 2009 at 15:07

I am married to "non practicing" Muslim Moroccan man. I am older by about 8 years. We met online.

After a year of an online relationship and my entertaining other prospects, I decided to meet him in Morocco. Oh, but of course, like a dream. Fast forward...been there 4x in our 3 year relationship, loved and cared for him so much I funded everything (like an idiot) from A-Z just to get him here. A week shy of 2 months here, it has not gotten better but worse.

Without ranting on and on...the signs were there from the beginning. Extremely jealous even about the most minute things. Controlling, demanding. What would you say attracted an intelligent, outgoing, well liked, beautiful, young, mother of 3 to someone with these characteristics? Love or at least what I thought was love. His caring so much about what I was doing and where I was going and who I was with, to the point of an FBI agent? His sweet doting words of affection, exotic language and accent? His sad story with the promise of bigger and better achievements when given the chance? His respect for me while completely isolating from my friends and people I respected?

Even at the point of marriage (which was not easy to attain) I questioned if this person was for me. SIGNS ladies! People would comment (as I knew they would) when they heard he was Arabic and Muslim..some were outdated stereotypes and others rang too close to home. BUT "HE WAS DIFFERENT"..this seemingly very intelligent, sensitive, and what I thought to be "liberal" muslim turned me on how, with charm and lies....oh sure, maybe he doesnt cheat on me but let me tell you ladies, you need TIME to know someone and you need to be aware that intercultural relationships can spell difficulties and even danger.

I stumbled upon this site the beginning of this year when even at a distance the control was smothering me. I read comments and associated with most of them AND was offended by some of the responses I received but now after having gotten my sweet wish, for my husband to join me here so that we could start our happily ever after....

IT HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT HAPPY and there may not be an ever-after. In the beginning it was demanding passwords to my email accounts so he check up on me and CLEAN them. Not only cleaning my accounts but others' of our previous contacts and correspondence. Let me tell you that before he even came here he physically abused me. To the point where I was so scared and would be hysterical crying from both physical and emotional pain.

He made problems and issues out of NOTHING, no reason and when he drinks it is far worse, like a monster. He swore up and down after the first few times he would NEVER do that again. And because I am outspoken, independent woman you better believe I get it worse. Oh there were good times, but they were few and far between.

The excitement of him getting approved was clouding the reality in my mind that now this monster was coming into my home and now what??? Privacy? forget it...my own thoughts and interests...NOPE....Interrogated constantly about every miniscule detail, forbidden to do anything without him...gave up alltime with my one and only -left best friend, I cant even have lunch at work without being under suspicion. I need to respect him but he doesnt respect me. I thought once he came and saw how boring and respectful my life was he would ease up.

I cant do normal things like go to the movies with my friend, or pick up my kids alone from my ex husband's home. How can I explain this to my lady friends and my sister, or my mother? It is pathetic..these near 2 months have been horrible. I am not happy and certainly not myself. One minute all lovey dovey and sweet and apologetic the next you see the black in his eyes.

I cant even drink anymore or suggest we go out socially where they may be alcohol because every holiday from thanksgiving to new year's since he has been here has been nothing but hell for ME, and I have control when I drink. When he drinks anything and everything sets him off....I will tell you that after all the good I have done in the name of Love, after all the people, friends and family have welcomed him here it doesnt matter. The good is totally drowned out by his bad behavior and I am sorry now. I think of all the other good men I had before who would have treated me way better. I think about all the times I cried because I missed him and needed him and wanted him here so he could live a comfortable, normal, happy life and where did it get me???

here on this site, spilling my guts out and making my statement so I can feel better. I have been not only on this site but others and now all I am is not a wife of a Moroccan but another battered wife statistic. Yeah it got so bad after 3 days here he got us thrown out of a bar because he was wasted and i went into the bathroom to PEE and my girlfriend called my cell and when he found out I was on the phone he thought I was talking to another guy and being secretive. He started shouting and pounding on the table, he threw all the contents of my purse around the room. They had to escort him out. Does he even care about how this looks for me as his sponsor?

When we left he punched a brick wall and broke his hand, getting in the car he tried to make me crash it and snapped my cell phone in 1/2...what a huge price to pay for getting him here with me so we could be happy.

So I just live day to day, never know what to expect. When I say the man goes off for no legitimate reason or mistake I have made I am dead serious. Less than one month after the bar incident we go to my work party, everyone meeting him for the first time, happy times, I know when he is getting to the limit, I try to tell him to stop, he doesnt listen, why ? cuz he is the MAN. ok and the minute we are alone I AM IN FOR IT...it started right then and there about how there was something going on between me and a guy from work, blah blah blah, CHRISTMAS was ruined!! That night I had to have him arrested in public cuz I was scared and already had enough....

need more warning ladies?? ok not all are the same...got it...but there are some strikingly similiar characteristics and what I think is please just be careful and reconsider, double reconsider...i cant say it enough, triple reconsider before you waste your time, money, heart and lose it all for a man you suspect maybe overprotective and jealous. It seems cute in the beginning...oh he even went so far as to #1 suggest I was copulating with his brother when I stayed with him several times, also his cousin (because they looked at me a certain way or I had to leave our bedroom to use the bathroom)....when he got here he still accuses me and girlfriend of being dikes together...does this sound normal...more...ok I have been holding it in...

CHRISTMAS DAY was the worst and I tell you this will be the last of the last of the last! I should have had him arrested again and I told him he was going to LEAVE FOR SURE, but he is still here. Christmas, after being invited to the bar after already drinrking too much at my family's place, he started so much trouble, he beat me so hard and ripped my hair out. I was beside myself thank God when I managed to escape through the broken door he bashed me into, i ran like hell and I got my keys, thank god and into my car and slept in my car all that cold night, ignoring more of his sorry calls and threats when I didnt answer. It took all I had in me just to see his face again.

IT IS MY HOME, WHY SHOULD I LEAVE IT? Sorry?? DOUBTFUL, I havent seen him even shed one tear for all what he has put me through....I dont think he used me for the greencard, I SWEAR, but I am only a possession FOR HIM. When I slept in my car that night, I had no one to call, cuz I had burned all my bridges to follow him.

I cant keep silent much more I am afraid another time like that and I wont be living...someone needs to know.

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