Response to make life fun

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jan 9, 2009 at 21:05

Thanks for sharing that and for having an open mind, on here. I do appreciate that.

Let me just first of all start of by saying that most if not all relationships (when they become relationships) start off well.

In the early going you have what is commonly called the "honeymoon" phase in which everything seems perfect. It's after this that things get more clearer.

On dating older American men: Was that actually dating for a relationship or were those just flings? I'm 27, and it's not shall we say uncommon for men my age to have flings with older women, but that is all they usually are. The same is true with men from other countries. Older men dating younger women is a trend that transcends cultures and be wary if you are told otherwise. This trend has a lot more to do with biological and emotional development patterns and behaviour in men and women than it does with just pure personal preference.

I can certainly understand why that may not seem fair, but the situations are what they are. The converse does not happen as much and you can argue that it should until you are blue in the face, but the numbers do not lie. Also, keep in mind that men around their mid-late twenties have not lived most of their lives as adults as you probably have.

I am really concerned when women on here tell me that they "are older but look younger." That tells me two things:

1) The relationship/fling is based in and around youth and appearance. Why? Because it seems important enough to mention on here.

2) Women on this blog are not considering that short of a Dick Clark miracle, they are not going to be able to look 30 their entire lives. What do you think will happen then? Will your stick it out., or will his eyes be drawn to younger women (especially if the relationship is based on appearance!)

What you must consider in this relationship is that in all likelihood, you will have to deal with aging before this man. So, is he going to care for you, or is he going to be selfish and worry more about things like screening your calls? I wonder. Some women who go through with this realize they end up having a grown-up son to take care of instead of a life partner.

You as a couple walking down the street may not look at all out of sync, but sometimes that is just a mask for real problems.

That is another red flag. If You were dating a Western man, would you tolerate him screening your calls? Or would you write it off as insecure, needy behaviour?? some women on here even go so far as to offer their passwords and then they defend their decision (but naturally, in their view, if the man steals their identity to get money or a credit card, then it's the website's fault).

What I have learned is that this "but it's his culture excuse" will ruin you if you use it. You cannot hold him to a different (lower) standard because he is Middle Eastern or handsome or young or any of that nonsense. If you do not, then great!

I realize this may not be what you want to hear, but I am glad that you are not leaping blindly into this.

So, the red flags here are

1) The age difference

2) The call screening. Really, you said it was early on and you put up with this? Don't you feel like your privacy is being invaded? And what is he anyway, your secretary? :)

3) The quick declarations of love are ALWAYS a bad sign. Honestly, anyone who does this or has to do it on-line pretty always has some sort of underlying issue.

4) The language barrier is not so much a red flag, but it is a communication barrier worth noting.

Again, I appreciate your openness on here, and give yourself credit for coming on here and talking. And I do understand that you are attracted to this man, and why not? It's like reader Isis wrote: who would want to date a balding, flabby, wrinkled man vs. a young, lean, bushy tan-skinned North African? On top of that, he sounds like fun and is charming! Quite the package. Well, something to that effect anyways. Hey, that sounds like a deal, huh? Well, on the surface it does, but you've got to discern the deeper meaning, and I think you realize that a real relationship is a lot more than having just those qualities.

-Luigi

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