luigi/hizham isis couldn,t let go completely, stupid and now heart broken

Submitted by anonymus3 (United Kingdom), Jan 11, 2009 at 11:16

Hi everyone,

i have posted on here before and i am so dissapointed with myself to have to share my feelings with you again. i need to talk to someone here, friends or family but cant. i posted that i had met a young waiter in sharm declaring undying love for me 11 months ago and i have been to see him 3 times in holiday. i had many doubts but he was sooo hard to resist. he was sweet charming soooo romantic that i ignored all the warning signs and felt so emotionally involved that is was hard to break away.

i tried many many times and he took all the flak i gave him and after a time his charm won me through and i allowed him back and although i knew the jigsaw did not peice together with his stories he had me doubting myself! i ended up feeling guilty because i was being so bad to him at times ignoring calls etc but i always relented and was otherwise really nice to him.. he had a way to make me feel so beautiful!!! but in my last posts i thought i could be strong and stay away but !! i was in contact with him again!

I had the same doubts and ask myself why am i so weak to his advances? i get so very depressed after a time if i dont hear from him its like a drug i am taking! yes i suppose i sound desperate but i am usually a strong person and think what is happening to me? the pressure to marry on next visit was weighing heavy, talking about the marriage process,my family not approving and concerned,the age difference and he asked me to not drink alcohol, cover when in egypt, tell him where i go etc . He was happy for me to live in egypt or work in sharm or come and go from England after marriage but he would really like to live here.

Anyway now! again i felt things were not right , no credit to send messages as often because no money, i cant call him because all my money has now gone in the past year visiting him and paying for everything, he bought me clothes etc but never had money in holidays. He said now to visit one more time to get married . Again i get strong and think i can leave , try so hard to be positive but i sit here now after he has gone with no calls from him or not one message to say anything at all, nothing, not even goodbye for happy times nothing!. i suppose he has given up because i have not contacted him for a week thinking i could handle it my way. but the truth is i miss him so much, i need to hear from him even if its to say get lost! closure, i feel bad for ignoring his calls on yahoo but i feel if he needed to say something then why not say something in a message!!

i am sorry to go on but i am feeling so very depressed and empty, dont know what to do, i cant focus on anything, he dominates my thoughts even though i need to get away from him, i am ashamed to feel this way and feel i have lost the plot!!

thanks for reading and plz dont cr,itisize, i am feeling depressed enough

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