Dear Raz--Religious differences in relationships

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jan 12, 2009 at 15:36

Hi there Raz, and thanks for sharing! I can understand how stressed out you must feel over this!

The first rule on here: Just because a man says he will do something before marriage does not mean he certainly follow through afterwards.

Here's the thing: religion is a pretty big deal in a relationship. You put your family and God before all else, and I agree and support you 100%. But if you really mean that, Raz, and this will not be easy to hear, but you would even give him up. Remember when Abraham was tested with the life of his son in Genesis?

The thing is, Raz, if he's strict like you, he probably thinks the exact same thing. That means he's not going to give up his family for you. He may at first, but as time winds down, you get set in your routine and the excitement of newlyweds is over, he and his family just might harass you for a conversion to Islam.

If you read what Dr. Pipes, that is what happens in many cases. I think it's probably not as extreme as in the Saudi marraiges he describes (usually), but yes, the family will help the man and if he is not will, berate him to do so; I see this happening in your situation in particular.

Look, Raz, this is a tough, tough pickle, and I sympathize, but I have been there before myself. I had a serious relationship with an agnositc woman who said I could raise the children any relgiion, but she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. In her case, it was for money and possession. In his case, Raz, it could be just to get you married.

Loving with your heart: If you really want to marry the right person and have a fulfilling relationship, then you really need to use both your brain and heart, not just sheer emotion. The fact of the matter is love is not enough for marriage. If people truly understood that, divorce would not be so common.

I would say that if you are not willing to put up with his family not to go through with this. The reason is that you must think long-term here. They are not going to relent until you give in, and do you really want his family to run your marriage, because it seems to me like he's really not standing up for you, Raz! Red flag right there; if he really respected you, he would! That tells me he would like you to be a Muslim, which you do not want.

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