Try Walking in my shoes.....

Submitted by FARRAH (United States), Jan 16, 2009 at 23:09

When I was searching for a husband, I was so fed up with such "empty" promises from far away lands...

Some things I would suggest....NEVER chat w/Men who are NOT in your country. It's perfectly fine to like someone from North Africa, but there are MANY in USA , UK, etc...so try dating them in your area. Or at least your own COUNTRY! You will find something strange...NONE, NOT ONE, will date with you. WHY?? not too sure, or maybe I don't want to face facts. Actually, they will try to sleep with you in "secret" but NEVER, EVER, take you out in the community.

One guy(Pakistani), I used to have to creep up the back stairs in the middle of the night, since he was important person "Sahib" they call them and could not be seen w/a woman not married. He promised we would marry, I told my whole family, then he disappeared!! Meaning, my phone calls he would block etc... Talk about trauma. I was a fool. And made a fool of. Those guys WANT SOMETHING if they are not with you. THEY WANT GREEN CARD! VISA'S! That's it. When they are citizen of your country that is GOLD , carte blanche. They will get the pretttiest , fairest girl in their town.

Tuesday the 13th I did what "Hisham" recommended , and I questioned WHY I haven't met any of these NUMEROUS friends that my Algerian hubby tallks to constantly on his cell....I said so tell me, if we hadn't gotten married, you would just have continued as a cook?? I said can you tell me what MORE immigration things I have to go through...like forms, interviews, etc. He started to get extremely DEFENSIVE, but I did not back down. He said once again you ALWAYS ask me these questions, and I said "Actually, I've never asked you these particulars....but your ANSWERS are always the same!

He huffed off to his computer, and hasn't spoken, or touched me since. I mean absolutely not one word. Some of the signs of scammers once they are with you as a couple, and as the days approach for them to get their permanent residency status...they ignore you, chat even MORE in their native languages, seem to have a "plan" going on. Indifferent to you or the surroundings. They just come & go with no regard to your presence. I was too ashamed to tell you all that before we got married, he told me to tell no one. Which is the biggest red flag on earth. So I kept it to myself. Just pretending...it wasn't as sad that no one was there.

My wedding was in the court house with my own pastel colored dress. Not some fancy schmancy stuff that ALL of the North African cultures do for weddings. By the 2wk mark we had a lawyer, and the immigration papers filed...our interview date came quickly and our lawyer asked us some questions...one thing that struck me, he said in all these photos, where are your husbands friends?? I see your family, but where is his?? I don't remember what my husband said, but after the lawyere, kept his head in his papers. Remember my husband didn't live with me for the first 6months!! Which is what brought me to this website....

My Angels were keeping me up at night, because his excuses were wearing THIN as to why he could not live here in my town. He would visit every 2wks by train. Then suddenly moved EVERYTHING when the interview date arrived. He could probably sense I was starting to question things. Anyway, in my head Feb 1st of last year 2008 I was going to ask for a divorce but then my Mom died, so my world fell apart. ...

After he recieved his initial "temp status" card he IMMEDIATELY went back to Algeria!! For a month (Yet we have no money for a honeymoon??? Not even a vacation??) When he was away, I mistakenly opened his bank statement...oopsie...Another red flag I just learned : Is that they also SAVE their American money when they get here FOR THEIR WAITING FAMILY!! I cannot even turn the heat on....We freeze! He does not care!!( don't worry, when he's at work i turn on the heat, and ALL of the lights)

I begged for a pair of boots from Kmart, and pleaded that they could be my x-mas present, and they were!! I can't buy food from the grocery EVER because he brings food from the restaraunt that he works at. My salary he takes as soon as it goes into the account, but don't worry, in December I have a small amount diverted to my secret account, that he doesn't notice. I cant' begin to tell you how he hounded me about getting a second job (i did for the holidays) or getting more hours at work which of course you know in this economy is impossible. Now, Christmas Day we drove to Washington D.C. we were supposed to go to Virginia to see my Grandad's grave, but he drove to D.C. instead, just parked anywhere, jumped out and snapped pictures...Just last night my Angel whispered again to me: Those photos were for immigration purposes...by the time it was time to go to my Grandad's it was dark/cold. BUT he snapped photos of the entrance to the Nat'l Cemetary w/ me and him, but there was no time to go IN...hmmm....something smells rotten doesn't it??

I met him online...he lived about 3 states away from me in USA. He used to ALWAYS say how beautiful I am ...and o you're not too fat for me!! Now, I am too, too fat, and he NEVER says I'm beautiful, just that I should NEVER wear jeans or pants and wear long skirts ( which i like) like a respectable woman, yet he looks at those Arabian dancers on you-tube!! That doesn't help my self esteem at all. If he forgets something for work, and I have to bring it to him, I have to meet him down the street. Never on his job.

We have FREE tickets to the movies, yet everytime we are about to leave the house, something comes up literally as we are walking out the door!! So, I am taking those tix and a Friend this Monday and going!! I am going to leave him , but not yet because it's winter time & the economy. And I am not emotionally strong. Plus he brought me a gym membership, but we have yet to go TOGETHER, so I will concentrate on that to get in shape. I cry every night because he does not touch me. I envy all of those couples w/normal relations. I can't tell you how my husband is sooo careful as to not get me pregnant. I'ts heartbreaking. And now, I guess he just is not interested in it at all, which is another red flag ladies!! I know I am asking the impossible...but if you just try...if you are not married, haven't met your "boyfriend" from Morocco, India, Turkey, et al....just stop chatting...just block them...then try to date at least 2 that are in your home country. THEN decide...if he's at least already here...you can see each other realistically...Shaadi.com is a great site w/quality men of other cultures.

So many of you say you are "dating" someone whom you've never even met!! Wake up!! that's not "dating" it's dreaming! I think the most saddest thing is when I did reveal I had gotten married, the first question was O! what country is he from???. I am sure some feel sorry for me...yet NONE know any of the stuff I have shared with you above. So, please I don't want anymore to get hurt. Don't believe them if they are much younger than you.NEVER send them anything. Truly, I would NEVER go on webcam until I met them in person. I can't tell you how much heartbreak I had when I would turn on the cam and they would sign off. Or worse, expose themselves!! ew!!

So, if they are really looking for love, looks don't matter.They really , really don't. You deserve to be married if that's what you want...but you deserve UNCONDITIONAL love. That's NOT based on Visa Love. Remember, if you want to travel to Africa and live there and marry do it!! It's the one's who say, Marry me here, go back home, then send for me...

So for me, I plan to leave in June...a few months before our 2 year mark.

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