I can help!

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jan 20, 2009 at 23:42

Hi there! Thanks for sharing, it sounds like you're pretty confused, huh? That's perfectly normal :)

First of all, and this is the most important item I think: You are NOT paranoid! This kind of questioning is normal. In fact, Green, I've been on here now for over a year and it seems like every other lady who shares her story with us is thinking "is it just me, am I being paranoid?" No, you're not. These are probably your natural feminine instincts telling you to watch out!

You've actually done a good job of reasoning this out, and give yourself a pat on the back for at least coming to terms that this might not be real. In my view, that's half the battle right there.

It certainly is possible that his sister is really his wife. She may only be 18, but I'm 27 and the last two girls I dated were 18 and 19, and one of them is now getting married.

What really bothers me is that you come across as being pressured into marriage. What he is doing is giving you an if-then statement----If you marry me, then we can sleep together. It is clever, but I think he's trying to get you to speed this up.

Listen, green, a quick marriage in ANY scenario is bad news. Things will not be any different after you two are married; the only magical change that happens is that you lose your leverage and the two of you as consenting adults and citizens have a legal contract with the state. This is exactly what scammers count on.

The fact that he goes offline while you are talking----I think I know what you mean here (no goodbyes, long pauses).

That is NOT a good sign, ESPECIALLY with someone who wants to marry you. It is rude and disrespectful and its one my personal pet peeves. I dated a girl I met over the internet once who did that as well, it usually means they are talking to other people, and at the very least, green, those people, whoever they are, are as important---if not more important to him than you are. Its also a classic sign of cheating.

Look, I know you are attracted to this man. Who wouldn't be? You are both the same age and he seems sweet and nice-looking, right? And maybe no Western man has appreciated you as such. But you MUST set all this aside to figure out what is going. I know it can be intoxicating to get kind of attention from a man, and no one wants to hear that their relationship is not real or not working out, but look at it like this green:

Something made you come on here and tell us your story, and if you need someone else to nudge you into a marriage or a relationship even, that's a bad sign, there's just no way around it. It truly is amazing how selfish people get after a marriage and its one big reason why I'm not married yet.

I also think that a big reason why you are wondering is because of the distance. Texting, e-mailing, phone calls, chatting, it just will never be the same as a real date. I know you've seen him in person, but if the majority of your communication is done like this, it's still not much and I really really believe this is why you are so unsure and now that time has gone by and he's pressuring you into marriage, but it's clear to me from your reactions and uncertainy that you really do not know him yet. If you did, what is said on here and other blogs would not bother you so much.

Please, Green, listen to your instincts and trust your mind. Good relationships come only to those who balance their minds with their hearts. I really, really do not like the look of this relationshp, though, and the fact that he is suggesting marriage tells me that he is not respecting your feelings.

I know this may not be what you to hear. I remember when people told me that my distance fling would end in disaster but I didn't listen and paid a good price for it.

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