Dear Faith---a heartfelt response

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jan 21, 2009 at 18:52

Hello Faith!

Thank you so much for your contribution! I came across your post and I had a few things I wanted to mention.

First of all, give yourself credit for even asking the question if this is real or not. I really do think that's half the battle.

I suppose it's unusual these days for people to have sex before marriage, so your concern is noted, and smoking, well, we all that's bad for your health no matter how you feel about it.

What I would say from the perspective of a religious man is that just because he has vices, whether its getting drunk and pounding on tables, smoking or having sex (over the internet or in person) it does NOT mean that your man is about or will give ground on his religion.

Reader Farrah recently shared with us that even though she and her Algerian husband have been married for almost 2 years, he will not touch her. If your does not want you after marriage, it really tells me that he is not that attracted to you and I would be very concerned.

You also ask "do Moroccans like those of Black African descent?" I would like to answer that by saying that most people will marry in their culture and their religion. Hence, most Moroccans will marry Moroccans ect. After years of observation, I have noticed that people really do not wake up one day and decide "oh, gee, I think i want to marry an X colored man/woman." What drives people to intercultural, interracial, international dating is usually bad experiences or bad impressions that people have of the opposite sex in their own race, country or culture. It certainly is no coincidence that many of the stories on here involved people who are divorced or have had relationships where the other partner will simply not commit after years of courtship.

The other thing I am unsure about is that this is a secret to his family. Why? Because they would be shamed to find out if he used you? Even if that is not the case, I do not like the odds of a man like this choosing, ultimately, another woman (even if you are his wife) over his family. Personally, Faith, I would find that very frustrating.

On a final note, I would encourage you to ask yourself what made you come on here? I mean, Faith, what exactly drove you to search for answers on the internet?

I hope that things get better for you, and I wish I could ease all of your doubts, and I hope that a Muslim women gets back to you, but a lot of these marriages really drag on sometimes, so that is one thing to keep in mind if you really want to be happy, Faith.

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