To Green, Moroccan man in Spain

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Jan 22, 2009 at 07:50

Hi there

Well first of all it's possible that he comes from an educated family, but that said being educated isn't a guarantee of wealth in Morocco - that's why there's so much frustration amongst many Moroccan young people. Also a lot of North Africans are multilingual (French, Spanish, English, Arabic I'm guessing?), but then his knowledge of 4 languages shows that he's at least dedicated and self-disciplined.

There's a good chance that he could be genuine, but if you don't trust him now will you ever trust him? One of the foundations of a successful relationship is trust. The fact that he goes offline doesn't necessarily mean that he's cheating, but nonetheless it's quite rude, and I myself would be offended. However, I find that a lot of men are like that, whether Moroccan or European - how can I say it, they're usually not quite as considerate or conversation-orientated as us girls. Does he offer an explanation to why he disappears? Does it sound legitimate? If you truly believe he could be cheating, call him out on it, don't keep it inside - or you could even bait him yourself and set up another IM account & see if he responds. He will respect you more if you speak your mind.

Actually, marriage in young girls (18+) is not that common amongst modern, educated Moroccans, especially if her parents would rather she got an education first and then a successful husband after that. But some Moroccan girls do tend to marry young, and in some communities a girl is considered a "spinster" if she isn't married by about 25. Same goes for a lot of African countries. That said, it's not usually the way with up-to-date Moroccans and I think the legal age of marriage for them is 18 (but then they live in Spain, right, so I'm sure it's different) so if he married her any younger it would be illegal. Also, I think it would be rather foolish for your man to send you pictures of him and his wife, but I suppose there is a chance that he's taking you for a ride. I mean do him and his "sister" look alike? haha. You should ask him if he has any old family photos, listen carefully to his parents, community, ask questions about his childhood etc. Really if you truly want to find out whether it's his sister or not it should be pretty easy if you put in enough effort.

I know that Moroccans can be strict about sexual relations before marriage, and the fact that he's willing to wait is a good thing and could mean that he's not using you for sex. On the other hand, perhaps he knows that he might not have to wait that long anyway, if you do marry in the near future, and he could be playing the religion card to make himself look good. So make him wait, keep him hanging on. There is also a chance that he genuinely doesn't require you to convert to islam - some Maghrebians aren't that fussy when it comes to that, depending how religious they are. However, regard that you will be part of a muslim family and lifestyle to an extent if you do marry him. And I'm sure he will want to have children of his own with you also, his parents will want grandchildren etc.

Well even if he did look at other women, that's not such a huge concern - most men with a pulse do that but it doesn't mean he'd take a chance with them!

The main things are that you trust him, truly love him as a person, that he truly loves you as a person, and that you share a common ground/are compatible. If you have neither, forget about it. If you really love him, make an effort to find out everything about him - every single detail lol. What does he want and what do you want? Can you see yourself settling down with this man, can you see him as a father figure to your kids? Do you have a good instinct about him? And can you see yourself with him in 10 years time when he's balding and miserable? You have to work hard if you really want something, remember Rome wasn't built in a day.

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