Hi Debs !

Submitted by Margaret (Poland), Jan 22, 2009 at 14:29

I dont have experience with Egyptians- but I have a little knowledge about islam- so I will try to help you...

I met a man last year in Egypt, when I met him I had a feeling that I must see him again even though I have always told myself never get with a man from another country. He did ask me to meet him again while I was there but I refused, we continued to stay in contact speaking on IM all the time. He has been so nice but also quite hard with his mind but we often laugh about our differences in culture and religion.

See how he managed to break your resolution ?
It will be the same with other issues...Not because you are weak- but because we, women in general are willing to change for our loved ones, to please them...so on...Thats why muslim men are allowed to marry christians/Jews- because it is the woman who will change and submit - not the man...

I took a big step and went back to visit him and took my son, and we had a fabulous time, I met all the family and they were all so kind with me and my son. His mother was like my 2nd mum and to think i read that sometimes the family are in on a scam I just can't accept that of her she was amazing.

Second resolution broken- you didnt want to visit- yet you visited him...

We are both the same age and he is not married and is well educated. The thing is he told me he is in love with me and would like to marry me, I was taken back by this and lots questions have been going through my mind ever since, i would like to think that its not for a passport or money as he knows I am a single mother and I don't have any money to offer him and for egyptian standards his family are comfortable. The problem is he has already said he would want me to convert to islam to marry him as it is a big part of his life and wants me to help him apply it within a marriage to each other, i can see that they are a good Muslim family and are not too strict and totally understand that my son is christian and will always be.

He can be married, his age can be a lie- all you know can be a lie...Many men claim to be educated- because it is a babe magnet...lol ...You will never know for sure...but did you see any books in his house ? Usually uneducated people have hardly any...
You dont know how strict they are- you've been there for a short time and I presume you dont speak arabic...

Your conversion is just a start...then he will demand you wear veil, stay in house, pray 5x a day- the first prayer is 3.30 a.m., do not go out on your own, do not contact your infidel friends and relatives, recite Quran in arabic...
You said your son will always be a Christian- well, you didnt want to get involved with a foreigner- now you are; didnt want to visit him, yet you had...
In similar way he will break all others resulution you have...Think about it...

Not all these men are after visa/money...some want to spread islam by marriage, some are extremist/jihadis using Western women to infiltrate our countries, some have even more nasty plans...

I have been totally honest with him and told him that I would not convert just to marry him but because I want to and he said that he accepts this, i have also told him i would not accept him to have another wife and would want a legal document signed by him to say he won't and if he did i would have rights for divorce and he has agreed to this too. But this scares me as I don't like how some of them treat there women I am so strong minded and independant which he says he loves about me, he doesn't want me to be a wife that always agrees with what he says, but I can't get out of my head that if I marry him it would be totally different, and would end up tied to the kitchen sink, that is so not me I must work I love it as I work with children and want to teach those who need it and help poor kids.

I am so confused now as there are so many negative stories I am due to go back again to visit and he has applied for a visa to come and meet my family.

Just as you told that you wouldnt visit him? He can tell you many things, but the truth is- it is HIS WILL that is being realised not yours...You didnt want a foreigner- and now you are even thinking about converting....

Being independent and strong-minded is a sin for a muslim women...Women who are not obedient can be beaten and denied food and shelter...

Quran, chapter An-Nisa-(women)surah 34

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill­conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great."

but women are also entitles to dowry-mahr:

An-Nisa, surah4

"And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful)."

in return for getting a dowry- wife must provide sex on demand even if she is busy with house chores :

Kitab an-nikah Sahih Al-Bukari:

121

" Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "If a man Invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning."

Sahih Muslim, book 8

3240

" Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart. "

3242

" Jabir heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) say: When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels."

3363

"Jabir (Allah be pleased with him) declared that the Jews used to say: When a man has intercourse with his wife through the vagina but being on her back. the child will have squint, so the verse came down:" Your wives are your tilth; go then unto your tilth as you may desire"

Religious piety is most important:

3465

" 'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. "

Woman character is not important:

3469

" Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. "

3457:

"Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust. "

.....................................................................................................................................

Ok-end of quatations...

Whats more :dont expect the police to help you if sth happens- as they do not want to butt into marital quarrels...

Take care...(:

It is better to marry virgins- according to prophet Muhammad- and note that ladies have a religious obligation to shave their pubic hairs...( I write about it- cause some women dont like it)

Kitab an-Nikah, Sahih Al-Bukhari

172

Narrated Jabir: I was with Allah's Apostle in a Ghazwa, and when we returned, I wanted to hurry, while riding a slow camel. A rider came behind me. I looked back and saw that the rider was Allah's Apostle . He said (to me), "What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, "I am newly married." He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron?" I replied, "(Not a virgin but) a matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl with whom you could play and who could play with you?" Then when we approached (Medina) and were going to enter (it), the Prophet said, "Wait till you enter (your homes) at night (in the first part of the night) so that the ladies with unkempt hair may comb their hair, and those whose husbands have been absent (for a long time) may shave their pubic hair." (The sub-narrator, Hashim said: A reliable narrator told me that the Prophet added in this Hadith: "(Seek to beget) children! Children, O Jabir!")

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