to susan thank you

Submitted by innocent (United States), Jan 23, 2009 at 01:04

Hello Susan, thank you for your clarification. I did misunderstand what you were trying to say. I would agree with you that you can be direct and kind all in one. However you can not be rude and condescending and kind all in one, their is a difference. And this is what can make or break a relationship. Submissiveness to me means to not take action when needed, to allow things to happen to you because you do not stand up for yourself. That truly is not what I am. I find there is always two ways to say everything you need to say. One way will send a person running, put the hairs on their neck standing straight up and the other will allow them to see what your saying from your eyes. Many things are not even worth the fight, life is just to short to be angry all the time. I don't feel I always need to win and make the other person lose. I do believe their can be a win-win solution to most problems.

As far as Salma, most of what you had told me, I did know already. Mohammed did tell me that in the beginning things were good between them and that he had even spoke with her grandchildren. He also confided that he truly felt bad that things did not work out. But after awhile he said she would make scenes in public areas in front of people he knew and remarks about his family. And this made him crazy. He did say that she helped him alot financially as well but despite that he could not get along with her at all. He told me he was not happy with his marriage especially in the end. I know I would not want anyone I was with to make a public scene while I was there as I am a very reserved person and this would really embarass me.

I do believe his intentions were to make the marriage work and not to use her to come to the U.S. but certain personalities do not click always. There are many mistakes people make within a marriage and as I believe these are all learning experiences, unfortunately two people can really bring out the worst in each other. I would never want anyoneto judge me on what my exhusband had to say about me, because I know he would not paint a pretty picture. We can only see the story through the eyes of the story teller.

I do believe Salma or Jocelyn loved him, I saw a picture of her and the picture said a thousand words. I felt sadness. I am sure they both made mistakes. Maybe some of the reasons you ended your friendship are some of the same reasons, no one will ever really know. Mohammed did tell me that he tried to get a visitors Visa to come here.

I believe by the time Mohammed had told Salma to stay in America he had enough, the fights had become intense, I don't think that the money she spent there really made them happy together. I am sure if he was just using her, he did not need to come here, he could have done that right there. Anyway all that is bridge under the water now and something that I hope that they have both learned from.

The reasons for all my questions is purely for me to be informed. To make sure the stories match and that I am making a decision based on accurate information, that is all. As far as the questions you asked me about Mohammed, I honestly do not feel comfortable discussing that because I do not understand the purpose behind it. I would feel this was wrong.

I am sorry about yours and Abdel's relationship, he seemed to be a nice person. I think life in a foreign country is very hard and everyone in the world is looking to live the American Dream. I do not believe their is any excuse for lying to someone or deceiving them. I followed your story from as far back as the spring of last year. May God bring the right person for you Susan that will bring you peace and happiness. Marriage is a lot of hard work. Thank you again for all your time and efforts in answering my questions. I really appreciate it. Take care of yourself.

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