to tormented soul

Submitted by a muslim woman (United States), Jan 23, 2009 at 22:34

Hello tormented soul. I am not qualified to give you advice on your particular situation since I do not really know the circumstances of your relationship. But there are some questions I would really like you to ask yourself from your inner heart and these are......

• What are you going to do if his parents do not accept his relationship with you? Then what? There is a very good chance that if he has never been married or does not have any children his family will not accept a marriage between the both of you, not to mention the religious, cultural and age difference. Are you truly prepared for the consequences of that? How strong are you to brush yourself and move on if this is the case?
• If they do accept you, does he want children? His family will have a big say in this. Do you? How will you raise future children?
• If they do accept you, what are his expectations of his wife? Has he told you of the roles that are usually expected and what they entail? Where does he plan to live in the future?
• How you talked about your faiths? What the differences are? From what you have told me so far it sounds as though he may be very religious. Islam is a way of life, it ordains every action a practicing muslim does. Sometimes no matter how much the individuals try the distances are so great that they can't seem to find the middle ground to make a marriage work.
• Is he willing to fight for you? And I do not mean literally, but I mean in the sense of the word. If his parents say no, what will be his response?
• Would your future with this man make you and him happy?

The rollercoaster ride is really in your hands. You have the power to make choices for your life that are in your best interest. Confusion is caused by a lack of making a decision, either way. It appears that he is being upfront with you about the possible risks you are taking by loving him. I think he is saying that if his family does not give their blessings then your relationship does not have a future. It is entirely up to you to choose to stay and take that risk or to walk away now. You just must know yourself well enough to have the courage to make a choice. Ask yourself which choice do you see yourself really being happy with?

I wish you all the best.

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