to noname, concerns

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Jan 26, 2009 at 06:41

Noname, there are several things to regard here:

- he lives with his family at 42

- he hasn't met you yet wants to marry you already

Firstly, the fact that he still lives with his family is a concern: it shows that he could possibly lead a sheltered life, & that he's dependent. If he did marry you he may be controlling. You've only spoken to him for a couple of months, while sometimes it can take a lifetime to truly know a person even if you met in real life. I myself have had real-life friends who've taken years to reveal themselves... well you'd be surprised at how calculating some people can be. I can understand the attraction & affection you feel for this man, after perhaps a painful end to your long marriage, this exotic, manly novelty who compliments you endlessly must seem like a dream. Perhaps sweeter than anything you've heard from a man before.

But meeting someone from the internet is rarely a good thing, whether you're 15 or 50. People who go online to date do so usually because they are sketchy in some way (& are looking for an outlet for their oddity). Around 2 years ago a local guy my age messaged me on a social networking site, & he seemed a perfectly normal young person, & we would chat about regular teen stuff; but a few months down the line he revealed pedophilic (at 17 I looked about 14), sadistic tendancies. Needless to say I blocked him asap lol. Of course there are the very small % who are on there because they are genuinely seeking someone special. A lot of Turkish men are charming and polite, but there is a good chance you still don't know the real him. And by business he could mean a small takeaway restaurant, & there's a chance that he doesn't earn too much from it.

Even if you spoke to him via phone it would give you a better idea of his character, as phone conversations are live & would put him on the spot. Plus you could a least hear his responses, frustration etc. - while on the internet you aren't seeing or hearing any of his emotions, just clinical, generic words typed out on a keyboard.

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