Followup and Thanks All For Your Comments

Submitted by Sonja (United States), Jan 29, 2009 at 08:36

I appreciate the words of wisdom and encouragement from those of you who responded to my post.

Yes. It is true, I wouldn't have searched the internet seeking a "crystal ball" answer from you had I not have a troubling feeling about the whole situation. Still, like some of you, as I suspect from some of the posters who have been burned in the past by a Muslim man, a part of me was also hoping to be wrong about these feelings.

A couple of days of ago, I sat and spoke with the ex and the woman who introduced us. She acted as an intermediary and translater for us as the ex felt that he needed clarification. When I broke if off with him he never defended himself or contradicted me at that time. The bottom line is he will be working towards seeking employment and another route to remain in the country.

She was able to convey to him my business responsibilities and my inability to take on the responsibilities of being a spousal sponsor. Also, she explained why I got mad at him for thinking that I would accept his freedom to practice polygamy, even if this is the reality in his culture. Furthermore, she shared with him that his idea of a child-centered marriage conflicted with mine based on love, companionship, and children, God willing. He wanted me to know that he was never after my assets or anything. He said, as a man of 45 years. he knows what his responsibilities would be as a husband. He said he doesn't want a woman to support him. He told me that I disappointed him and that he had to tell his family back in Niger that the engagement was off. And that disappointed them.

The woman conveyed to me that his family is counting on him to make it in America. That made me feel guilty for a second but I quickly shook that feeling off. All and all, the conversation went well. I was gracious and served them tea. We agreed to remain as friends. Still, the main point is we were right on this... the religious difference between me and him was a big issue. This proud and calculating Touareg man and his manipulative friend quickly learned that I wasn't going to be their sitting duck. It was all or nothing for him.

Peace and blessings to you all.

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