How to get over it

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Feb 4, 2009 at 14:09

Hi there mesmerized!

Well, getting over him is going to take effort, but you are on the right track. See, you're approaching this situation rationally----you say to yourself he's a younger man, and I am a divorced woman with kids, and neither of our families would approve, and it seems to me that neither of you would be willing to forsake your families for this relationship.

Mesmerized, the reality is that those are red flags even if your man was Spanish and your next door neighbor. You have really got to be careful with men who are outside of your age range because as one of those men, I can pretty much tell you they are thinking nothing more than a fling for their own selfish desires. I'm sure you are an attractive, desirable, woman genuniely looking for love, but the vast majority of younger men--older women hook-ups do not end well if one person wants a relationship. Even the ones that do work out, some of them involve men who end up acting like boys and it feels to the woman like she's adopted a son as opposed to having a solid relationship with an equal partner.

I hate to burst your bubble on this, because you seem like such a caring person, but it's important for you to see this for what it is.

The thing that really bothered me about your story other than the age difference was that he was serious about it right off the bat. Remind yourself that this really is not a good sign either. And it was gnawing at your mind to a point where you turned to the internet for advice. I'm glad you did, but again, it's something to be aware of .

Mesmerized, I realize that this is hard to do, because I have doubt it felt great to have gotten attention from this man. I'm sure he even made you feel younger again, and there's nothing wrong about feeling about good and young, but take the situation for what it is, and you are.

As I said, you've already taken the first steps. The best thing I think though is to try and hang out with your friends and see your family more often. Don't be afraid to treat yourself, either. In other words, just try and stay busy and do things to keep him off of your mind.

I really hope this helps, mesmerized.

-Luigi

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