Can I also add Luigi...

Submitted by Dora (United Kingdom), Feb 7, 2009 at 06:13

Following on from Luigi I would like to add that many relationships of this kind do not start to become unhealthy or controling until you have been CONSISTENTLY with that person for a long time, i.e. 2 or so years. If a man is keen on marrying you for his personal gain, or indeed intends to control you in the future, how does it benefit him to show his true colours in the beginning of the relationship? While everything is still in the honeymoon stage and you have not committed, it is in his best interest to 'behave 'himself, for fear of losing you and thus his chance at whatever it is he wants to gain.

If, like some women here have suggested ,they are travelling to meet a potential husband or indeed visiting frequently, please be warned that this is not 'real life'. There is some real naivety show here by women who think that they will continue travelling the world once they are their husband's property. It is for example not permitted for a woman to travel alone in their religion, so this is a clear indication that you will not continue to do so if you marry these men and they turn out to be quite religious. Holidays and lovely intermittent trips where a few stolen weeks are shared are not at all a true reflection on you being a wife to these men. Forget the internet or holidays and try actually residing in your man's country for a sustained period of time, it is only then that you will see the true man. For those who think that by taking them out of their environment, to the West you will change them, you are also sadly mistaken.

The seeming recent 'defenders' of relationships on here are quite dangerous, as very few of them have any substantial experience with their man. I do not care how long you have been dating long-distance, it simply is not the same thing as a marriage. Like Luigi has clearly said if they are so happy what on earth are they doing here. In psychology this is known as 'toxic' behaviour, when someone is not truly happy with what is happening to them, they take the side of the oppressor and shoot down others who try to question oppressors. Why? because it is too painful for them to look inwardly at what is not right in their own lives.

Ladies, I have been living here in Egypt (non-stop) for nearly 4 years, I love the country, I speak the language well and understand the culture far more than many. Believe me when I say that the most down-trodden women that I have met here are Westerners, or indeed North African women married to the native men. I do not think for one second that they were born lacking zest, but after 10 or so years of living with a man who controls what you do and not being able to leave the country with their kids when things go sour, they have little hope left. Their only respite, for some of the less kind ones, is criticising the new unsuspecting foreign women in town, who come with fresh faces and ideas about the men that they meet here and how they can change them.

Wake up, the coffee is burning.

Look at Marnie, the 40 year old lady from the UK who met a charming Egyptian man, who was supposedly open-minded. She is now banned from seeing her children for the next 13 years as he accused her of infidelity. His own cousin has stated that she feels he is framing his wife. Ladies, these relationships are not a joke. Be smart and think very very carefully.

God bless.

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