Was Married to a Turkish Man

Submitted by Heather (United States), Feb 9, 2009 at 17:24

Dear Woman,

I have a little knowledge of Turkish culture because I married a Turkish man while I lived in Japan. We dated one year before marriage and moved back to the USA.

Everything was wonderful and great until we had our daughter two years into the marriage. Then he became very controlling, verbally abusive,and eventually physically abusive to me and our daughter, so after marriage counseling and trying to work it out for a year we divorced.

Though I have a restraining order against him and refuse to speak to him and it has been a year he is constantly trying to get me back. I see him post love notes to another girl on MySpace (he must be using her as a back up plan). He did get US citizenship 2 years ago and I know he loves me in his own strange way.

I do not know if it is normal for Turkish men to act that way. My ex-husband's 21 year old male cousin told me he thought my husband had anger issues and it wasn't normal to hit a wife in modern Turkey.......... They do feel men are smarter than women and are very traditional........Also my ex-husband had told me stories of men he knew in Turkey that had a wife in Turkey, married an American or Canadian woman, divorced the 2nd wife after their visa status was good and brought over their Turkish family...........I think this man is playing you big time...........A man that old would've had an arranged marriage by now. It is still the prevelant way to get married over there.. I know my ex-husband's father has already found 5 different girls he's like to arrange for him......

Don't be desperate a couple months of e-mailing isn't worth a life time or few years of headache. I'm also 33 but love being single and when I do decide to date I'll take it very slowly. Another thing is that Turkish men do support their families very well. My ex-husband and I sent money monthly to his father and grown siblings (this part didn't bother me except sending money to his grown brother).

My advice to you would be if that you are serious about this guy that you go and visit him. Pay real close attention to the people you meet (one might be his wife). Learn some Turkish before by getting a book and doing conversation with some people. You want to know what he might be saying while you are there.

-Good Luck

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