thirdtimelucky, religion, upbringing etc

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Feb 10, 2009 at 07:50

You're truly lucky to have found this man. A lot of people need to realize that these immoral men mentioned on here are not just a product of culture or religion, but it depends on the individual's character & upbringing. A true, honest muslim man would never judge or mentally harm another individual, no matter how poor he is; because a decent muslim has an inner peace & has been brought up with rich values by educated parents.

These morons so often discussed on here, on the other hand, are usually uneducated & hypocritical, and use their religion as a crutch, to prey on the most vulnerable. This kind of behaviour - scamming others - is not encouraged amongst good people in their communities, but by fellow crooks, which is extremely dangerous, because these men are naive & impressionable... and also rather dim. It's like when frustrated young men join criminal gangs. They haven't got good souls, they feel inadequate & don't know how to treat women for a variety of reasons. If families are involved in a scam, this is proof of their incompetent upbringing. And so it creates a huge network of deceit & a vicious circle. As the saying goes, hate breeds hate.

They are not from good communities, they are bad apples. If you are familiar with his community, you can spot a bad apple out in an instant. But if you are new to North African society, or islamic norms, you will be blind to this. To a woman with little experience of muslim men, any man who simply visits a mosque now & then will seem "good". But the best advice one can get would be from educated, decent muslims - particularly those living in the west. The more a woman educates herself, the more protection she will have when she needs it most. And it doesn't matter whether you're in a successful relationship or not - all women, of all cultures, will do their research. If you know nothing about their culture, you are powerless: it's like being in a lecture in the middle of Japan & not knowing what the hell's going on around you. The more you learn about islam, from regular people or imams, the more advantage you will have over a man/his family.

So there's nothing wrong with coming on here & educating yourself, no matter how happy you are with a man. We all learn about unsavoury things, from animal cruelty to wars, because you can't ignore reality. Maybe posters will use this information, maybe they won't, but all in all they expanded their knowledge, which is only a positive thing.

It's true though, it is difficult to find a man like yours in North Africa - to be honest, a lot of North Africans are extremely hot-headed, & this temperament clashes with their religion. The calmest muslims that I've known have been from either the emirates or countries like Yemen & East Africa.

A pious muslim man once told me that part of chivalry is to have respect in the presence of women no matter how they're dressed etc. and I personally was once dressed rather provocatively (lol) in the presence of a very decent muslim man, & yet he lowered his gaze & spoke to me most respectfully... in contrast to some of the trashy-mouthed younger men that I was unfortunate enough to encounter in various North African souks.

Also, as a lot of posters have discussed on here, a man will come first in islam - but bullying, excessive control & scamming are not part of the package. And if they are, I suggest an upgrade.

You are extremely lucky and all the best in your relationship

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".