To Luigi - Thanks

Submitted by yasemin (Canada), Feb 20, 2009 at 13:05

Thanks Luigi. You have no idea how much work went into this victory, made possible only by the graciousness of the women's centre of the Istanbul bar association in allowing me one of their lawyers plus a lot of "legwork" on my part, plus a wonderful lawyer and a female judge who saw through my husband's lies.

Besides being unable to legally marry ( unless his appeal is granted - still waiting for decision ), the "husband" is also now unable to travel to any EU country for at least 3 years thanks to someone at the german embassy willing to listen to me and catch him in his fraudulent visa application ( saying he was single - a clue which makes me think the fiance is/was in Germany ). Also thanks to the husband for being stupid and letting me know his trip plan in advance LOL :) Because of all this, he is in the U.S. computer system should he try to go to the USA which was his dream.

Advice to women if you want to pursue this same course of action ( refusing a divorce ) -1) do NOT sign any paper that shows you received the legal action papers ( this was my mistake and if I hadn't signed the special delivery paper then he would have been permanently married to me ). 2) In case this is marriage for a visa, save every scrap of paper !!! Especially rental leases. Make sure your name is on rental leases, not just his name !!!!!!! Otherwise he can say in court that you never lived together. 3) learn basics of the language - you will need it. 4) Don't count on getting witnesses in these countries - they will refuse to get involved. You can use witnesses from your own country however if there is an agreement between your country and his. 5) Make sure you realise that your life could be in danger if you decide to pursue this.

I'm sure most women will want to do the sensible thing and just get the divorce. I'm an exception - I have a vengeful streak haha :) And I wanted to prove a point about women's rights. But what I did could easily have ended up with me dead - I fought this despite my consulate's warnings. The dangers of doing this can't be underestimated in a part of the world where women are disposable.

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