becreative difficult to tell?

Submitted by bewildered (United Kingdom), Feb 25, 2009 at 07:08

Hi there

I can understand how you are feeling because I was told by my family not to trust my man as he was younger and from tourist area and this was the norm for him with foriegn women. But like you say they are very polite charming, say beautiful words, say you are the only one, mine said I was his first woman yet he had been in tourism 3 years? ( later I found out he had another orfi marriage to a russian girl , he tore up the paper and denied it.) no i am sorry I didn't believe I was the first because he seemed very confident, skilled in this field and new how to push the right buttons. I don't want to sound all negative but my experience has made me realize that my man was a liar and seemed to be desperate to marry to come to England. We were married from lawyers office few months after we met ( we met on holiday)so we could spend time together without him getting into trouble with the police. Muslim men are not allowed to date or supposed to be with a western woman ( any woman) unless they are married, and sex outside marriage is a punishable offence, he could get 6 months in prison. Your man stated you wont need anything when you arrive and he will take care of you. I had to fund everything as mine said he had no money, nothing, yet he could speak on net every night and send messages and call me? I was with him for one and half years but not met his family, at least he is taking you to meet his. I was suppose to meet his family the week we got married?

It is polite to take gifts for the family when you meet them, but dont be drawn into parting with money or requests for more things .As regards to his sisters its hard to tell if one is his wife, it has been known for wifes and families to go along with this as they benefit from money or moving to another country. My mans sister would call him most days for credit on her phone or something? I once heard him say to her inta gamiela which means in arabic you are beautiful and he said he does tell his sisters this? seemed odd at the time? I was blinded by my love for him and did not follow my gut instincts.

I think you need to be wary about what he is telling you, are you the same age? My advice is to go with your gut feeling on this , dont ignore any feelings of doubt. I know its easy for me to say this now but I can see things more clearly now I am out of the relationship. Muslim men if they respect you will not want to be intimate unless married, they will not let you pay for everything and some will be insulted if you offer to pay for anything.. In Egypt you should dress modestly as not to draw attention to yourself. You need to think about where this romance may lead to in the future, marriage, where you will live? if you choose to live in Egypt then he may not want you to work and stay at home with his family, he may not like you to go out without him knowing and his family will tell him your evey move. Women dont smoke and there is no alcohol/bars. Mine said children did not matter to him but I know when a muslim marries and has children they have filled half their religion in islam.

He probably is a very nice man and muslim men as other men need to be happy with a wife/partner and choose who they want. It is also their culture to have arranged marriages and I kept thinking would mine have a second wife some day? I never had any experience with a muslim man before so was very niave about their culture etc. You will be alone and have to rely on him to lead you while you are there. The first time I went it was magical, he was attentive, sweet, stayed with me the whole time, met his friends ,a beautiful memory, but I was in sharm and I knew the place and I knew they had plenty of security there.

I had the same feelings you have now, excitement, being nervous but looking forward to meeting him. The journey over, meeting at the airport, feeling like a million dollars when getting all the attention. Mine couldn't wait for me as you know and moved on, but my advice is go over , meet him, I know his family will welcome you, have great time, but keep in mind this is the initial stage of the relationship, if I had acted on my doubts for my man I would of saved my heartache and money.

I wish you all the best

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