To Lily - some advice

Submitted by yasemin (Canada), Mar 23, 2009 at 13:29

You have 2 young children so you can't afford to make a mistake that would seriously affect your children's happiness. I therefore hope you take my advice very carefully. I know the Turkish culture very well and family is everything. Turkish men are expected to follow their family's wishes even in adulthood. The family wants their son to marry under the following conditions: the woman must be muslim, Turkish, be a virgin, and be younger than her husband or the same age. Anything less is unacceptable and the son will be threatened with being disowned. The son will always choose family over you. If the family appears to accept you, it may be because they are hoping their son gets a visa/green card or money from marriage to a western woman. You might be this western woman who will release the family from poverty. Only a very highly educated and wealthy family will differ somewhat in this regard.

Read my posts - all of them. You may be the unwitting lamb being led to slaughter. My turkish husband learned my ATM number and I was drugged so he could withdraw money from my account as i slept. When he was refused a visa to Canada, I was threatened with death and abused in order to force me to start the divorce. There was most likely a fiance the whole time, just waiting for the visa. The divorce was planned even before the marriage, witnesses included. If you think your fellow isn't like this, then know I was warned and like many women here, didn't believe i was just a ticket to a visa. Their acting is superb, flawless and you won't know until after he gets what he wants. Then you'll likely be abandoned by him. He may say he wants to live in Turkey or doesn't want more children but it's likely part of the act. DO NOT send him money or any personal information.

I still have a huge love for the turkish people. But i know that their warmth could be an act so i just enjoy the moments with them and don't read much depth into the warm exchanges.

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