Turkish man and internet dating, marriage

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Mar 23, 2009 at 16:58

Hi Lily!

Thanks for sharing that!

The reality is that on-line dating has all sorts of challenges beyond your everyday, in person relationships. More than enough times I have heard about how people who do on-line dating ask their partner about scamming, but of course they are going to say it's a bad thing and agree with you. That's how they make the sale.

7 months is a long time. The trouble is that words are only about 30% of human communication, and you're really not getting much more than that over the internet, a little more over the phone. But you can talk to this man for years on-line and never know who he really is. Lily, I have observed in all my years of on-line dating that men are much more confident (and likely to lie and decieve) over the internet than in person---and get away with it. Seeing your man once in a while will not do either. Visits are not the same as in-person dating.

What brings so many women to this board is the fact that they are not sure. They often ask themselves "Is it me?" or "Am I being paranoid?" The reason for that is in communication you have a two-way street: a sender and a responder. It's hard for the responder to respond if the message is vague or weak. On-line dating is just that because like I said, you are only getting a mere fraction of what you could be. You cannot feel his touch, taste his lips, make direct eye contact or see him without any barriers. These are what builds real chemistry between two people and sets the stage for real matrimonial love.

Let me just say that there are well-documented cases of relationship-tried-and-failed over the phone and by standard letter. The internet is hardly a pioneer in failed relationships over distance.

The signs you need to watch for:

1) Saying I love you too quickly

2) Wanting a quick marriage. Anyone under any circumstances who wants a quick marriage in this day and age has something up their sleeve.

3) He's online a lot and isn't talking to you

4) Getting defensive when you ask probing questions

5) Says he's religious, but acts differently (pretty hard to tell this over the internet).

6) Note that many scammers and liars intentionally target divorced women under the stereotype that they are desperatly looking for love and even wanting sex.

The best advice I feel I can give you, Lily, is not to hold your breath and prepare for the worst. Just because he wants you and your kids moving to Turkey with him does not mean that this is for real. There's a lot more that could go wrong than just a visa scam or asking for money. Cultural differences come into play, and of course you have your usual pool of liars and cheats in any country.

The concern about Muslim men in particular is what does Islam mean to him? The thing is Lily, really religious men will tend their religious side (dating coaches even advise this) especially at first when dating Western women for fear of driving them away. To some men discussed on this forum, Islam means that they can cheat, flirt with other women on-line, go out and get drunk while you wear a hijab and are confined to the house taking care of the kids and doing all the chores and you're not allowed any male friends.

One trick they like to use is to get you emotionally invested in the relationship, reveal themselves, and get to think there is no turning back now. But there is always a way out. It's why they made divorce.

The problem with on-line dating though is that I have observed many of the people who must seek such attention on the internet are desperate, mentally ill (I'm talking about real sickness here, not as an insult) or they feel socially isolated. This is another big reason why on-line dating often doesn't pan out well.

Lily, I can understand your attraction to this man, but I really don't believe that real matrimonial love can happen on-line alone. What you think you fall "in love" is often a shadow or smokescreen of the real person. If this man wishes to marry you on your first visit, I would not waste any more time. I realize this is hard for you to hear and you really are putting yourself out there asking for what could happen, but I want to support you in finding the truth.

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