I was in your situation

Submitted by Wife of a Turk (United States), Mar 26, 2009 at 17:56

I'm married to a Turkish man, I was divorced with two kids as well. He was my pen pal through my ugly divorce and pregnancy, supporting me emotionally in every way. After two years of friendship on the internet, I flew to meet him, our relationship moved to a whole new level after meeting him face to face. I fell in love with Turkey and him. But because I had young children I was not free to simply pick up and move. I have burned enough in my life to know never to put all my eggs in a single basket. So my man came here, we married two years ago and my life has been amazing since. I don't regret a single thing and can honestly say I wake up loving life everyday because he is at my side.

Sounds to me like you guys are where my husband and I were three years ago, falling in love on the internet, dreaming about a life together but both hesitent because it seems like a dream world. My advice is to LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME, find a sitter who is wiling to take them for two weeks. It would be dangerous to bring your kids because though he is amazing on the internet, there are some REAL horror stories there about human traffiking. I understand you met his mom and know him emotionally well so the chance of something going horridly wrong is EXTREMELY low, but never gamble with your kids. More over: don't let them get attached if you don't even know the chemistry in person. Good moms don't haul their impressionable children across the country to meet their lovers. Good moms only bring a man home if she KNOWS they will be part of the family. Besides, it will also cost him less money (flights are EXPENSIVE) and give you two time to bond as a couple.

Document your trip (for visa purposes later). See how it is in person, check out Turkey and figure out if its a place you can raise your western kids (the culture is VERY different and it will be hard to assimilate. Even small things are so weird, like you can't look a person in the face because its considered flirting. Its a western habit to smile at strangers and nod hello, it can cause huge problems there; your kids and you will have a hard time simply living not knowing the language, not being able to work, being completely dependant on your husband, continually making social faux paus, etc. We aren't even getting into the school system or living conditions yet!) IF you find him and his country suitable THEN when you go back home you start showing your kids videos of Turkey, get them excited for the change. File all the paper work, narrow down your belongings to move, etc. Taking residence with kids in another country is a HUGE deal, don't speed it up on account of the urgency of your love. Take the time to do it right and safe for all involved.

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