Reply to Ayah on Good Muslim Men, some thoughts, concerns

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Mar 26, 2009 at 22:37

Greetings Sister in Abraham, and welcome!

There are a few things I would like to mention.

First, Ayah, I think that most posters on here do understand that not all Muslims are bad.

You said you have never been hurt in an international distance relationship, and while I appreciate your politeness and cantor and humility, it does most definately explain your response. Others who have been spared (so far) that awful experience cannot really appreciate it I think. The more controversial comments you read (remember, posts are carefully screened) are usually people who are very hurt and lashing out.

But, even if they were to date a good Muslim man, there would still be issues, namely in the cultural sector. Study after study shows that good relationships are based on similarities, not differences. That's probably why if you took census data from any country on the earth, you would find that most people will marry within their own culture with key similarities in skin colour, religion, economic status, ect. Hollywood can make all the movies they want about interracial relationships and the media can glorfity the stories all they like, but it will never change the naked truth.

There is an oppressive amount of political correctness here in the West that has actually been a detriment to interracial, international and interreligious marriages because some people think you should pretend like differences do not exist because we "all bleed red" or "we are all human".

Those quotes are best left to deterring wars, not to justify relationships. Why? Because we are complicated beings who form complex relationship, which is why any successful relationship must involve the mind and the heart---logic and love. I've seen cases of where people will date just to show everyone how tolerant they. Big whoop. Think anyone really cares?

Naturally, many of these relationships fail.

The other thing worth noting Ayah is that these scams are hardly exclusive to Muslim men. In fact, I would say that because more American men are likely to date outside of their cultural norms than women, they've been scammed much more than women have from places all over the Second and Third World. The stories all have the same basic flaws--the quick I LOVE YOU, the don't worry baby, it will all be fine, the fact that the Westerner is lonely, divorced and quite frankly desperate, the notion of a quick marriage, ect.

On the issue of money: They will rarely directly ask for it. Instead, they will create some desperate scenario--usually revolved around health or being stuck somewhere with no money---inticing you to give.

I do have some concerns about your relationship. For one thing, you've mentioned that you've communicated with this man, but have you met him? It is most unwise to commit to marry someone you have never met. Communicating over webcam I would say gives you a mere fraction of what you get in real life, and whether this man is a practicising Muslim or not is entirely irrelevant from where I sit because if you've met him, you must rely on his word alone. There is also a point of diminishing return with communicating on-line: There is only so much about a person you can tell, assuming they are being truthful. Men are typically much more confident on-line than in real life.

The real big question I have for you, though,: If you are so sure about this, Ayah, why are you looking this stuff up on-line? What exactly and how exactly did you come to this blog? This is something I really want you to ask yourself.

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