Heartfelt Thoughts for Vasi

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Apr 3, 2009 at 12:47

Dear Vasi:

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I hope that you are enjoying your stay here in America and I commend you on your academic success! We sure could use more bright people here!

I understand loud and clear why you are attracted to this man. But, Vasi, there are a couple of things I want you consider for your own good and please listen to me carefully:

1) First of all, this jealousy that he has----it won't go away, and marriage will probably not solve the problem. If anything, it could make it worse. That often seems to be the case on here. I realize you said your man is not a Muslim. Well, he does not have to be in order to try and control your life. This can be quite extreme in cases, as in not allowing you to have male friends and confining you to the house. I realize it's easy to write this scenario off because he is not very religious, but don't let that fool you.

As for him, well, he seems to expect to be able to go whereever and do whatever. He seems to be acting very shady, especially if he is withholding details about these month-long trips he takes. Be assured he could (and actually seems to be already) holding you to a different standard than he has for himself.

2) From a guy's perspective, think about this, Vasi: he gets all worked up when you are gone for a mere FOUR days, and he just leaves for 30????? Please tell me how that is fair! Even if he's not cheating on you ( I really wonder about that, Vasi), he is NOT treating you as an equal.

3) Just because you and his friends/family and vice-versa get along is not reason enough to be in a relationship. This isn't about forming friendships, it's about you and him having a future together. Listen, Vasi, I dated another American girl and I got along with her family great. Trouble is, she was using me and cheating on me, and I found out about a lot of that from her family. Two of my aunts also married men who abused them, but did they abuse them in public or at family gatherings? No!

See, it's how you two interact in private that defines it because that is how it will be for a vast majority of the time.

4) Look, Vasi, no one likes being told the dark side of their relationship. It just plain stinks and I wish there were some way to make you feel good about this, but the reality is, you try to sound certain about some things in your post, but the reason you are here is because you are not sure, which is fine because it's better to address your concerns earlier than later.

I just don't think this man is going to change, and it seems to me like he's really cramping your lifestyle. I mean, just imagine what it would be like to live with him all day and night.

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