Information on Malay culture and distance relationship from a fellow American.

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Apr 15, 2009 at 22:48

Hi there us woman!

Thanks for sharing your story!

One of my good friends was a Chinese national who lived in Malayasia.

Well, first of all, some Malay states impose sharia law, while others do not. Sharia is a very strict form of government dictated by very conservative teachings of Islam that exists to a large degree in Saudi Arabia (has a secret religious police that will arrest you for going to dinner with a male colleague you are not married to), Iran and the former rule of Afghanistan under the Taliban.

It is a brutal existence, especially for women and they have almost no rights. In some places, if you are raped by a group of men, you would be more liable to prosecuted for adultery than the men would be for the rape. Of course, radical Muslim rapists are getting no to light sentences for rapes in France and Sweden, so maybe that's now a moot point.

I would find out as much as you can about Malaysia. I would even call the Desk Office of Malaysia at the State Department (page 3 of 4). The State Department handles all foreign affairs and will be able to give you more information.

Needless to say in sharia law, you as the woman are completely dependent on the good graces (or lack thereof) of your man's choosing. You can be the most ardent feminist, but I see even them catering and pandering to Muslim radicals all the time because they fear them.

Now, I think it's worth noting that your man does not have to be a terrorist or a follower of bin laden to act like this. Several women on this blog have complained (and rightly so) of being treated unequally (a generous term). That's the issue with religious men----the perception is that they make good partners but sometimes they will hide their true views for fear of losing the woman. Trouble is by the time you figure it out for certain, you can be three years into the marriage, which means you are legally bound to this man and have everything to lose, especially if kids are involved.

I would highly recommend becoming familiar with this rule of law by reading more posts by Dr. Pipes and by looking up writings by Robert Spencer.

My concern here is the distance relationship. You two have already talked about marriage, yet neither of you have met. This is a concern to me, and traveling to Malayasia from America is no short distance. It's half a world away, almost.

The trouble with distance communication is that it's impossible to get the full picture. If you communicate over on-line over the phone, you are only getting a mere fraction of what you would on a real date. This is why so many women come on here and are not sure. A common thought on here is "Am i just being paranoid?"

The most important thing I can tell you: If you travel to another country, you are bound by their laws. We have had foreigners come over here and commit capital crimes and they have been given the death penalty.

The key warning signs are

1) Age difference, especially if you are older. Dating older women is becoming a fad for men in my age group, but they rarely amount to more than just flings. When either party expects a relationship, needless to say, it's bad news for them, usually.

2) If you are divorced with kids, that's a group frequently targeted for international dating scams

3) If you feel like you have to give him money. They never ask directly for it, but come up with some self-sympathizing situation to get you to feel guilty like you have to get money. It's a sales trick used by some strippers and waitresses here in America to get bigger tips.

4) I really want you to ask yourself why you are on here. People who are secure about their relationships don't need to blog, and I think in your case, it has to do with the fact that those might feminine instincts that pick up on male BS will NOT allow you to trust him right now, and that is completely understandable.

5) I'm particularly concerned about the discussions on marriage, even if they are just whispers and thoughts at this point. Anytime there is a quick marriage, alterior motives are almost always involved. As dating guru Marius Panzerella would say: The sooner you get together, the sooner you break up.

Listen, I know that you are attracted this man, and I realize that he is probably nice and sweet. But please consider what I have said even if you have not directly asked about it. It's really easy to fill in the gaps of what we don't know with positive things. That's what makes these relationships so hard.

-Luigi

---

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".