Feeling addicted now...great advice

Submitted by Pandora (United States), Apr 21, 2009 at 21:33

We'd had an argument, and I had written him a simple email stating that I thought we were going a little fast and I just "wanted to date". Well, he flew off the handle (in a reply email) and was saying things like "I could get any woman I want, but it would mean nothing, it is easy for me". I didn't speak to him for a week. He was begging me every day, and finally I caved--and it was mostly because we had a layoff at work where I lost many friends, and it left me raw and shaky.

I was weak, and he fell to his knees, crying and kissing my hands, apologizing. I know what Straight Talk Luigi said about the "divorced women with kids" being like a bleeding seal for the sharks, but we normally never would have met. He works at a gas station, and one day I went there to get gas. I was in an unfulfilling relationship (oddly with another Turk, this one has his green card and is Christian, Armenian), which I got out of shortly thereafter. I am seeing a therapist, so all hope is not lost.

Now that I told him I would never put up with him shushing me when he talks to his family, he doesn't call them in front of me. Red flag. His friend came over and I made them both tea (his friend works here legally and has been here for 8 years). I asked his pal (when he was out of the room) if it was normal for Turks to get married this fast. What's the hurry? He said that he knows some people who did it right away and they are happy. Yeah, well, I've been through a divorce and I later told my guy that my kid comes first, ahead of me, ahead of you when I make decisions. I also let him know that if and when I move out of my folks' home, it is only going to be my kid and me, if things should work out, maybe he'll be there too.

He seems down in the dumps because I told him I need at least a year to feel comfortable. And that's only consideration, not a definite. But he keeps pushing. I have also set him straight that I am not picking him up from work during the week as it is not convenient for me, nor prudent. But he wants to talk everyday, and texts me a lot. is this normal? I still feel like something is rotten in Denmark, he said he has a BA in Economics from Turkey, yet I haven't seen that credential here, why would you work at a gas station (he's here on a F-1) if you have a degree?

One of my best friends from Istanbul went to college here first and is now a CEO over there at a bank. He changes plans to go and buy clothes, which makes me think when his visa expires, he's outta here. he also says that without papers (an upgraded visa or green card) he cannot get better work. I say, why do I have to be the vehicle in which you get your card from?

It's so hard. I am on the verge of being outta there, but I just can't. Next weekend, I am going away and am turning the phone off so I can think.

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