Think about this seriously

Submitted by bewildered (United Kingdom), May 4, 2009 at 05:23

Hi becreative

I can understand how mixed up and confused you feel about all this, but what you are feeling is doubt, something not right ,taking a risk to see if he is genuine and different to the usual scamming guys. Then you are feeling the buzz of feeling wanted, loved, this guy saying all the right words, attentive, his family welcoming you making you feel part of the family and feeling the love of a whole new culture which is exotic, interesting and addictive. The whole thing comes together and you feel wow! this is amazing and only makes you crave for more, your need will get stronger to the point where you can't let go. As time goes by you will let situations happen, turn a blind eye because your love will blind you and because he will appear not to understand your frustrations, believe me I know this, my man appeared very vague to any questions he was not happy to answer, pretended not to understand, made me feel paranoid that it was me and he was very good at this. When I look back I can see that I was so unhappy underneath because these doubts would not go away, I tried to push them under the carpet and believe that I was being stupid and I felt bad for doubting him. They are very clever sociopaths and am sure they have had much experience in mind games.

I think you need to look beyond whats happening now because the buzz of it all is new, the first feelings of love,infatuation etc and that buzz will go, it wont stay forever, you will settle into a normal life. Is this the life you want? he sounds controlling now and this will not change it might even get worse to the point that you will feel suffocated, lonely, being obedient to him. I must admit I even thought it would be nice to have a man love me that much and show he cared by being jealous at times, live with a different culture, feel important to be a foreign wife. I realised I would be giving up so much for him and he had nothing to lose only gain which i would not mind doing for any man who truly loved me but I knew deep down, look at my guys excuses and I even pushed them under the carpet for his love!!

Just imagine life married to him, living there or him coming here, you must not accept him asking for money so early on, plz act on any doubts you have, I know now that my guy had many girlfriends, loved them all, a regular income for him, chance of a visa and work. Some are very clever indeed and its all down to their good looks , being so romantic and very charming, appearing naive and innocent to sweep you off your feet and make a better life, and their families too will help.

What makes it hard is seeing this for real, it felt like a fairytale romance to me and all my doubts eventually sent him away as he said I was always angry! ( this being me questioning him when he was blatantly being dodgy) So eventually he turned me into a accusing, insecure, paranoid person while he was always smiling and happy making me feel a bad person for feeling this way.

So Becreative, look ahead to the future, think about your life together, if you ever got married, children, money, the culture, he would always need to support his family too. or even a a second wife one day? If you feel secure with his love then I wish you well, but plz heed your gut feeling, they are never wrong never! don't just be blinded by love, you can't live on love alone. Even now I think of my guy every day and still have love for him but the effort of trying to understand him, analys his actions, trying to get the answers and reactions I wanted basically made me ill as I knew my gut feelings were telling me to get out and not take the crap!

all the best in your decisions

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