Culture vs. Religion: My Iranian Persian fianceé back-stabbed me

Submitted by Diva (Canada), May 5, 2009 at 09:25

For starters, my background is eastern European (slavic). I was bought up Catholic, but when I met my ex-fianceé, he was relentless to be with me. I had some confidence issues so I was the pefect target for this sweet talking, charming, attractive Persian man. Six years ago he moved to Canada and found it very difficult to live here and almost went back. He always had a close relationship with his parents who were back in Iran, which I thought was very nice and meant he was brought up well. I considered this a plus at the time.

We had agreed that neither of us were very religious people. I go to church very rarely and he never goes to a mosque since he's been in North America. For any of you who have dated someone out of your religion, more than likely you have experienced the wrath of your family trying to break it apart and not accept the relationship. This was indeed the case for me and it was almost like I wanted to prove I could make it work regardless of what they had to say; it seemed so easy since he was so nice to me, etc...

Our relationship was only going to work if we both worked at it together, and it did for 2 1/2 years. Except there was one point where he was violent to me, and I explained that if he continued then I would have to walk away (I did the first time, but then we got back together). At the 2 year mark we started living together, and lasted 5 months. I felt I was doing everything for him, giving up my identity, the things I liked, etc., just to make it work. But it still wasn't enough. When problems arose, he spent more time consulting with his parents over the phone in Iran than working the problems out with me. And if I didn't cater to his every whim, it would be reported back to his folks.

From what he told me, they seemed to be decent people trying to tell him things would be ok, but I guess he didn't want to accept it. Then you wouldn't believe how he broke up with me. He called his extended family to the condo where we were living unexpectedly and I had just come home from a workout. I felt completely violated and insulted that these people were in our home repremanding me for not taking care of him properly and that I could never be with him again!

I'm still angry about it b/c it didn't happen that long ago and I had no say in the whole situation. I had some problems that I wanted to work through with him, but when the going got tough he turned on me and went to his family, and I believe that this is how Iranian Persians are. I would have to say that any Iranian Persian who claims they're not religious or Muslim, love aside, you need to ignore this message and listen to your instincts. Yes, he WILL sweet talk you until the day his family is over at your condo throwing insults at you left and right. The religion is engrained in the culture and so don't kid yourself.

Muslims or people from Muslim countries believe it's ok to be deceptive and cunning as it is understood in their culture that it should bring down the resistance of the woman in the relationship so that she is her man's slave. 50/50 doesn't exist in a Muslim-influenced courtship, so unless you're willing to accept this (as the woman, you should be giving 95%), then don't even bother. Save yourself time and heart-ache!

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