i don't know what to do anymore...

Submitted by lost in austin (United States), May 6, 2009 at 23:12

i am an american woman studying to become an MD. i met a french guy nearly 4 years ago online. he is educated....3 science master's degrees. when we began tlaking online he grew interesting quickly. stupidly, i thought i could actually be special enough for this man to be so in love with me. he was quick. he came to the US on a visitor's visa a few months later. he stayed for a few days...of course he was perfect in my eyes. he was charming, polite, and so loving. he came back the second time 2 months later and we kissed for the first time. he was ready to marry me after only seeing me face to face 2 weeks total. i was smitten and in love. \

i went to france and it was as though it was all planned out. i met his family, went to his old university, met his friends there. he seemed so perfect. he had an ex gf that i did not approve of and i felt the relationship moving too quickly for me so i tried to break it off at that time. he leterally begged me on his kness. he was holding my legs and would not let me pass to exit the hotel. i took it for love. i had doubts sometimes but i thought i am just paranoid. he paid for everythign himself. he never asked me for money, never. he has been new caledonia for nearly 2 years. he lives with his parents now.

i feel pressured to start a fiance visa. i have a bad feeling. i have seen him 2 times in nearly 2 years and he seems fine. he says he just does not want to hurt me by talking about how difficult it is for him. how could he not NEED to see me? after profesing such deep love for me for so long? could he be wanting money from me later? could he be wanting to live and work here in the states? he was fast and needy and pushing me so hard formt he start. i saw what i refer to as "episodes". an example is we were in france and when he waking from sleep he speaks incoherently and he said "i am tired of this".

i see moments of anger in him now when we speak online. could he be frustrated? i have met his family and the seem to be not questioning anything about me. they did not ask me anythign about my life at all. it seems they would but nothing. could they all be in on it? am i paranoid? my funds for school were recently cut due to the crisis. this is the reason he is still away. nealry two years ago i said to him i wanted him here and i would stop studying and work so we could be fine. he refused and seems to plan with his parents and gave me the result. i was soo hurt, i could not believe it. HE decided that it was best for me to keep studying, even if it meant us to be apart all this time. he said he would come after i started to receive my funds again. now, he wants to send money here to pay for my life so i can study. he said after i had funds again what man that was not serious would send thousands of dollars to a girl in another country that was not serious? am i right?

he is a programmer/scientist...he is not making that much money and to send a majority of it here seems like a lot of effort for someone not serious for marriage. his sister offered to send money too. i'm soo confused. i don't know what to do anymore. it seems he would need me more than by skype. he's waiting for me to get him a visa and of course i miss him so much. i feel like i need to do it. please help with any advice.

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