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Submitted by bewildered (United Kingdom), May 16, 2009 at 15:44

Back Love relations in Tunisia
Bezness relationships

There are some relationships in which the beness background is almost always existing:

Relationships with older women

Even though the founder of Islamic religion gives a positive example, which will always be pinted out, the actual number of marriages between men with older women is extremely low.

An elderly woman offers little social acceptance, especially if she cannot become children anymore. The financial aspect plays the major role here, because an older European woman usually owns a property and/or got a secure job, and thus constitutes at least for the time needed to obtain the residence permit a desirable choice.

Relations with obese women

Even if Tunisians like to say that they like that the money they "invest" into their women shall show up on her, there is a big difference between "chubby" and "obese" - obese women are in Tunisia , as well as in Europe, a target for bad and asteless jokes and social acceptance is rather low.

However, such women are an easy "victim", because they often have a low self-confidence and are touched particularly, when an attractive man pretends to show interest in her.

Relationships with divorced women

Just as with the older women, positive examples from the Islamic religion are often pinted out, but in reality, the actual interest to marry a divorced woman is very low and usually only found in the combination of a quite old man with a divorced young woman.

In addition, such a relationship can be burdened by the children of another man, because the acceptance of children of another man is, with Tunisian men, very low, to say the least.
This results even in domestic marriages usually to the case that, when a woman remarries, she will more or less abandon her children and leave them either with their father or elsewhere in the family of the woman or the man where they will then be raised.

Divorced women are, as well, often seen as an easy victim, because a clever Beznesser will quickly gain an emotional access to a single mother who wishes on one hand again to have a complete family and on the other hand being longed for by a man.

All three groups mentioned above are preferred 'Bezness" targets, and members of these groups should keep their eyes particualrly "wide open".

Family visits

Many European women mistaken an invitation to the family of Tunisian man and being there introduced as "the future wife" as an act of seriousness, but it is not.

In most cases, womens visits to the family take place regularly, the family is privy - and there are even cases in which the Tunisian wife will be presented as a "sister" or "cousin" of the inviting man.

While it is true that a Tunisian man introduces his future wife to his family, in tourism experienced families almost all Europeans are "introduced" in the hope of obtaining "donations" and gifts - therefore, a formal intruduction to a man's family is definitely not a sign of seriousness in terms of a future marriage!

Conversely, a Tunisian woman will NOT introduce her future husband to the family, but the man instead will visit the family on his own and introduces himself and his wish to marry the woman.

Precautions

Precautions against Bezness are possible and even can offer a good protection - if only it starts early enough.
Since the below hints are certainly also read by interested parties from Tunisia, they can only serve as examples - the reader will get the idea, though, and can then plan for a personal strategy.

Never talk about your on the payroll, your personal property or situation, if asked, only give vague answers.

Ideally, you position yourself as a non-wealthy person living together with a roommate in a little apartment and the holiday is a result of many months of strict saving.

>> In the relationship with a Tunisian woman, it is not so easy because, according to Tunisian law, the man is obliged to provide for his wife - if a woman then inquires about his assets, is does not have to be a sign of Bezness, but the woman only wants to make sure that he can offer a "secure existence". The man should, however, present himself as a "normal" worker with an income just sufficient to provide for a family..

Note: Even when she is married, the Tunisian woman normally retains her salary for herself, the man is always obligated to pay for his wifes proper living conditions.

Never leave behind valuable items at the end of the holiday "until the next time", which specifically relates to computers, cameras, telephones and personal papers.

This will cause an unspoken obligation to return, something, that one later does not really want anymore - not to mention the risk that, even when one returns, one might never see the things again.

Point out good relationship to your family!

It is absolutely normal in Tunisia, to counsel with the family and get advise from them.

If you show, that your relationship to your own family is very close, it gives the signal that you are not am "easy" target and it might not be enough for a man to convince you, but also possibly your father, brother or uncle.

>> In the relationship with a Tunisian woman, the man can always assume that the males of her family will ask for an interview and their recommendation for the woman will depend on this interview.

Under no circumstances, tell the potential husband that you could or would contribute to the costs of the wedding ceremony or the ticket cost for the flight to Europe!

The woman should also express her ideas of a wedding gift from her husband.

The financing of the wedding party in Tunisia is the up to the man - he or his family will even take out loans for a proper wedding; the ticket costs for flights to Europe and obtaining the visa should also be solely be imposed onto him.

A Tunisian man who is serious with a woman, will never ask or even accept money from her, but save, even on a low wage, the money for the wedding. Jewelry Gifts (ring, bracelet, etc.) by the man to the woman at the wedding are absolutely normal and expected.

>> In a relationship with a Tunisian woman, things are exactly the opposite - it is expected that the man pays for all expenses, because it is common custom. A European man has therefore a definite disadvantage - and actually, he even has to provide the housing and the furniture.

Learn the Tunisian language...

...and don't show it - in almost all cases, "Bezness" can be unveiled by simply listening to the conversations of the man with his friends, family members etc., when they are unaware that you understand what they are talking about.

Always, in a closer relationship, demand to see the ID card (Carte Identité Nationale).

Every tunisian citizen must have the CIN on them at all times.

This offers the possibility of obtaining and verifying the real name and birth date - because both are used very flexible in talks in Tunisia ( "Artist name", "Nickname").
If then, at a later date, a problem should rises up, you will have at least the guarantee that you know a real name and birth date..

Relationships to young persons: The age of adulthood in Tunisia is 20 years - relations to younger persons should generally be avoided!

Info: Men below 35 may, and usually will, be drafted for a year of mandatory military service.

If you have the opportunity, talk to Tunisian "outsiders".

Tunisians know their fellow countrymen quite well and in most cases, someone will feel honored to give you his opinion about a relationship.

And even if one should not rely on such an opinion, it might give you hints and/or confirms suspiciouns and you helps to become more aware and catious.

You should not talk with people, though, who are in close contact with the person in question. Rather consider to talk to Taxi drivers, apartment landlords, etc. - they see a lot and have lots of experience.

This also applies to the ubiquitous policemen, which might, on an explicite demand, even suggest sometimes to be "careful" with an acquaintance!

Do not shy away from a "loyalty test"

In a "loyalty test", a friend, acquaintance, or professional agency will try to start up a relations ship with the target person by using SMS, instant messaging, telephone or even a "random" personal meeting.
To put it quite clearly - such a test will succeed in more than 90 of 100 cases and show that the target person will, without big problems, engage in another relationship as well.

The hope of "But mine is different" will then turn out, within a short time, to be just a dilusion, and this will be quite a disappointment - but it will save the person from an even bigger disappointment and significant emotional and financial loss later.

And even when the assignment of an agency might cost 50 of 100 euros, this sum is, compared to a possible, even very likely, loss of thousands later, well invested.

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