Was it the right thing to do? Algerian man and marriage

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), May 18, 2009 at 11:46

Hi there Willow!

I think you pose some very valid questions, and I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do. Let me offer some sincere thoughts on that first:

What I have noticed from posts made by women is that many of them ask "Is it me?" or "Am I just being paranoid?"

The answer is easy: NO.

What is happening is a classic battle with your heart and mind. Your rational self, your feminine instincts and your mind are all telling you that you simply do not have enough information. This is because of how you communicate. There is only so much you can tell about a person from interactions over distance whether it's by snail mail, internet or phone. Assuming that you are not being told the truth the entire time, well, it means that the information you are getting is even less.

1) He would never show me where he lives for he had 3 roommates and said it would not be appropriate to go there when any of them where there.

Hmmm....this is suspicious and shady. Even if he is telling the truth, he does not want people he is close to know you are together. I don't like the sound of that at all because it clearly means you are NOT a priority in his life.

2) Do you think he has a wife and kids? Do people with out immediate family really go home every year. he is 1 of 14 children in his family which appear to be very tight knit. he often refers to sending stuff to his sister which always made me think that could be the wife based on reading here.

It's very possible he is already married and just wants another wife to do house chores and for the occasional banging so he brag to all his friends about shagging a woman from a different culture (you know how some men like to run their mouths off about sex).

What men like this try and do is get you finanically but most importantly emotionally invested in a relationship, so you feel obliged to be with him because it's easy and if you don't, by gosh, you'll be a lonely hermit the rest of your life.

Ladies, you have got understand this is what they bank on, and they do have the patience and determination to see it through.

3) Do you he did come clean because he knew I was too smart to be scammed.

If he's begging to have you back, he's not coming clean. The one thing that gets a lot of women in these situations in trouble is that they simply give a free pass to a foreign man who begs and whines when they would find such behaviour in their own culture most unattractive.

No, no, you're not over-analyzing. This is what the brain does when it does not have enough information on relationships. Information is security, and unfortunately in these cross-cultural relationships, communication would be difficult even if done in person.

Emotions are emotions, and there is no right or wrong way to feel, Willow. The most unfair thing about relationships over distance is that it doesn't really seem to hurt any less than if it were in person, namely because we tend to gravitate towards the assumption that "I must have let a really great one go". Well, Willow, because on-line and distance communication often break only the initial stages (often called the honeymoon phase where everything about the person you are seeing seems perfect). of meeting someone, assuming there is some ounce of honesty there and a lot of times there isn't, you are left to assume the worst: that you let a perfect one go. Well, you know what? ALL relationships start off good. If they didn't, people wouldn't date. It's the test of time that makes or breaks it.

Also, even though you've terminated your relationship. PLEASE feel free to keep asking and contributing. One of my biggest concerns on here is that women will falter and go back to their man.

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