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Daugther of a Morrocan man and UK lady part 1

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: still hurting

Submitted by Margaret (Poland), May 26, 2009 at 14:28

what always saddens me the most is the fate of the children of muslim men- non muslim woman liasons- their life is a purgatory to say the least...They never had the choice as their mothers did when thay choose a muslim sweetheart

here is a story of Berberella- who lives in London and is now an admin of the ex muslim forum :

I was born second female child, to a man who craved for nothing more than a son. A man so bound by patriarchal laws that my birth as a girl was such a blow yet again to his precious manhood, that he didnt even bother to visit me in the hospital. My father was a Muslim, typical of most Muslim men he cared nothing for females, except as brood mares and slaves, to be held in trust and sold on to the highest bidder when they became ripe enough.

He came over to England in the rush of 70s immigration laws, as a student looking to make some mark in the world. Maybe back then, when he first stepped foot on this land, maybe then he felt free. I like to believe that once he was normal, a human, someone who had a dream that wasnt controlled by eternal submission to such a demanding god. I will never know though, those are the musings of my own heart and my father is unreachable to me now, not dead in body, but dead to me so I shall never be able to ask. It matters not I suppose, what he became far outweighed whatever good he may once have possessed.

He was young, only 16, which had required him to forge papers proving he was 18 and old enough to be accepted on the student immigration. Ironically he fled from a tyrannical father who abused him mentally and physically through his short and hard 16 years. Going back further, my fathers mother died delivering him in the mountains. I guess his father blamed him, for nothing my father ever did could ease the hate that man felt for my father. I know as I saw them together whenever I was taken to Morocco, and there was no love lost. The same hate between father and daughter that runs in my veins, flowed through his for his father. Its that cycle of violence that millions of families all over the world become trapped in. Not unique to my family, but the weeds of violence were wrapped tightly on our family tree when I was a young worthless little girl.

Muslim men have two sides to them, the young side, the one that the PC brigade thinks is the modern Muslim, and the real side, the Muslim side, the one they grow into. My father was the first side when he first came. Out drinking, partying, having sex, smoking drugs. He was as western as they came at first glance, even at second glance to outsiders. He meandered along like this for a few years, no thought to religion, except as a guilt that he pushed back into the recesses of his mind, to be dealt with when he was older because he was having too much fun.

Until my mother came into his life, 5,5, blonde, cheeky English rose. My father was 19 and she was 16. She had run away to join the circus, full of hopes and dreams of her own, running from something bad that happened to her. Something that ruined her enough inside that over the years she was unable to stand up to my father. Only damaged women would put up with what she did, I should know as the cycle was destined to be repeated by me.

My mother tells me that once it was good between them, I wouldnt know from my own memories of when I knew her and him together, my mind doesnt stretch to those first four years of life. Only snippets here and there, feelings of memories so to speak.

My father did the one thing he thought could tie my mother down, he married her, and by the time she turned 17 she gave birth to his first child. A girl child, my older sister who in turn became an apostate, long before I ever dreamed I could. My father didnt want his little girl around to remind him of his failings, so took her to Morocco and left her there with his stepmother and his hated father and returned to England minus my sister.

The beatings started then, my mother had failed to produce his son and his pride and primitive 7th century beliefs laid the blame squarely at her feet. She was his brood mare, and she would breed again, only maybe this time he could beat a son out of her. It took him a just over a year to get her to conceive again, she told me the beatings didnt stop then in spite of her advancing pregnancy.

This time round she was pregnant with a boy, not that she knew, for her trouble was that as in some very rare cases, she became pregnant with me whilst already pregnant with him. It is very rare that this happens, but this is what she told me when I finally met her. That the second baby sometimes aborts the first baby, and that this is what happened with him and me. She miscarried my brother at 5 months, and at the time they believed it was normal twins, and that one was clinging on still. My father was devastated yet elated at the same time; he was convinced that the twin would be a boy also.

When I was born I was nothing as I said before, female, no one, not even worth one look. If I sound bitter it is because I am, thanks to his callous treatment of us as females I grew to loathe being a female. I grew to learn shame for my gender, to hate other women who were at times complicit in helping to keep other women enslaved. I digress though and wander to thoughts I would rather close with.

On a plane my father hopped and dumped me with my sister, as he returned to my mother empty handed yet again. It wasnt a happy marriage, but what did I know of such things at that age. I can only tell you what I have learnt since.

For me I was in Morocco, just a baby with a sister who thought the colour of my skin was catching. A feeling she has never been able to really rid herself from, and one that ultimately cost her any chance at having me in her life anymore. Her racism wasnt rare or unique yet again, it was a by product of Arab racism, I look like the traditional Berber, and she the Arab princess, snow white and highly desirable in marriage because of it. When Arabs pretend to not be racist, ignore them, they prize white skin as much as all the races have at one stage or another.

Three years passed, them in England, me and my sister in Morocco. They came to bring us back to England when I was 3. My mother was pregnant again and my father was again on the male heir dream train riding into some idealistic future that this miraculous boy would create with his presence alone.

They had a new 2-bedroom house and maybe in their naivety they believed they stood a chance, that his religious and cultural differences werent so great a divide. As she was trying to be a good Muslim woman harder than before, the beatings had cowed her sufficiently enough that whatever fire had once burned inside her, no longer gave off even a flicker. It wasnt a home of love we returned to, it was just a better house, with the same story being played out under its roof.

My mother said she couldnt be sure if it was the beatings that caused the haemorrhaging or just a natural problem in birth, for her it was all a haze as she gave birth to baby girl number 3, and lost her womb in one night. The thing she will never forget is my father calmly telling her that now she was barren, he would be divorcing her, as he needed a son.

Not long after that, when my younger sister was 6 months old, my mother left our house never to return again. She left him, and us behind to a man who couldnt love his daughters well enough to raise them healthily or with love. She says that she left us with him because she thought he would never physically hurt us, which is strange considering he had no qualms hurting her. The anger I feel at her, although tinged with a deep understanding, has never left me and understanding was something I gained when I grew up. As a child she was just the mother who left us behind because she didnt care enough about us to take us with her. Not only that but she made no attempt to contact us, and for the next 15 years I often fancied by father had murdered her and buried her in the back garden, or another one, that she ran off to Hollywood to be a star. The first scenario always seemed more realistic, especially if you knew my father.

The next thing we knew, we were packed off to a childrens home, and it was a year before we saw our father again. It was a great time though, the childrens home was lovely, the staff were kind and caring, full of warmth for all the kids behind their doors. I was lucky; many more children who have been through the system have discovered a darker side than what I had. We were pretty messed up kids, and my baby sister was just that, a baby. Still I cherish the 3 years we stayed at that home; probably the only time I was ever a child allowed to be just a child.

As I said it was a year before we saw our father again, he turned up and started acting like a father, he would take us home each Friday and drop us back at the childrens home on Sunday. He was a good man during this time, and although we lived apart it was as I said the better part of my life. He started dating a lady who looked after us at the home and she started to come home with us on the weekend. She was lovely, and as a replacement mother you couldnt get any better. At the end of the three years my father took us home permanently and the lady from the childrens home moved in with us. It was a wonderful time for us, my father was such a different man and it showed in his behaviour towards us.

to be continued...

Submitting....

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17Advice to Tracey [338 words]PrashantMay 5, 2021 00:37264747
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14R A T !!!!! [144 words]ChelseaAug 22, 2021 12:11264747
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2Bună Spice [95 words]MimiSep 29, 2021 17:29264747
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22To N and S: some replies to your questions and resources for you! [632 words]A very concerned readerFeb 18, 2021 18:26264041
36Long Live the Non-Muslim [847 words]AliciaFeb 18, 2021 15:37264035
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5Breath Taking and True Post [15 words]ChelseaMar 16, 2021 19:18264035
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18Reply to A very concerned reader [115 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 17, 2021 00:04263953
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13Muslim's misgiving [167 words]PrashantFeb 18, 2021 16:33263953
14Wrong religion, wrong site! [84 words]A very concerned readerFeb 19, 2021 16:06263953
7100 percent correct [68 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 20, 2021 01:34263953
8Well said a Very concerned reader [153 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 20, 2021 01:52263953
12Here's a nice example [79 words]JeffFeb 20, 2021 21:21263953
8Oh, The houris... [441 words]A very concerned readerFeb 20, 2021 23:52263953
11Once again, one-sided love [66 words]A very concerned readerFeb 22, 2021 13:33263953
1Failure to Notice Where Devotion to God is Supreme in Eternity [211 words]M ToveyFeb 22, 2021 15:38263953
4Haha A concerned reader [12 words]jessica (canada)Feb 22, 2021 18:43263953
14A God with no compassion, a reward full of lust [116 words]A very concerned readerFeb 22, 2021 22:48263953
2Very well said [5 words]PrasthantFeb 23, 2021 22:09263953
11Recovery [76 words]SherryFeb 24, 2021 11:35263953
4Relationships that Serve the Prideful Self Always Breaks the Hearts of Others [366 words]M ToveyFeb 24, 2021 12:49263953
9NPD in Muslim men and Ali Sina [317 words]A very concerned readerFeb 24, 2021 13:25263953
9Very nice reflection, M Tovey: time comes when the only thing you see is the Muslim man [358 words]A very concerned readerFeb 25, 2021 01:35263953
4Objection on Religious Grounds - Men and Women Equal in Eyes of Heaven, Salvation [479 words]M ToveyFeb 26, 2021 18:53263953
9Narcissist destroy, empaths create: a selfish religion to cater one man's needs? [483 words]A very concerned readerMar 1, 2021 15:06263953
2Correction [45 words]A very concerned readerMar 1, 2021 17:43263953
3Male-Female Emotional Disparity - Seeking Common Ground of Love [342 words]M ToveyMar 2, 2021 13:31263953
5Sowing what we truly embrace and want to reap! [314 words]A very concerned readerMar 3, 2021 02:48263953
5Emotional Survival of the Most Desperate Kind [438 words]M ToveyMar 4, 2021 11:49263953
8To N and S [233 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 21:19263845
17Thank you FAtou [88 words]BaboonFeb 9, 2021 12:49263786
9Hi Jessica [190 words]N and SFeb 9, 2021 15:57263786
10N and S [228 words]LinaFeb 9, 2021 17:05263786
19It's more dangerous than people may think [254 words]A very concerned readerFeb 10, 2021 14:57263786
8Very good points [213 words]LinaFeb 10, 2021 22:17263786
7Very true [120 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 15:22263786
7N and S [471 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 21:09263786
4N and S reply [645 words]jessica (canada)Feb 12, 2021 18:23263786
7Hi A very concerned reader [516 words]N and SFeb 17, 2021 16:51263786
3WEAK [23 words]alanaSep 12, 2021 07:00263786
48To Fatou/Adja, to the immigration officers of Western countries, to this forum readers. To those googling "I'm in love with a Muslim man" [812 words]A very concerned readerFeb 9, 2021 00:36263772
17I wish I could raise a toast to this [174 words]AliciaFeb 10, 2021 01:16263772
11Cheers! [230 words]A very concerned readerFeb 10, 2021 14:16263772
5Let's raise* that toast!!! [23 words]A very concerned readerFeb 10, 2021 15:11263772
11I could not agree more! [178 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 01:10263772
19Why they don't like Christianity [713 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 06:28263772
10Big hypocrite [222 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 09:16263772
14Hijab and the hypocrisy of it [144 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 15:13263772
4Where is the Truth Hiding When No One is Looking for it [233 words]M ToveyFeb 11, 2021 21:35263772
14My insight about Islam and why a Non Muslim woman can fit in this ideology [648 words]A very concerned readerFeb 14, 2021 00:18263772
2Why Non Muslim women can't fit* [14 words]A very concerned readerFeb 14, 2021 01:18263772
18Their lives and hearts are so dark [102 words]Ella AustraliaFeb 14, 2021 23:54263772
11Why they don't like Christianity [19 words]Lisa D.Feb 15, 2021 12:35263772
1Why Eternal Fulfillment is of Love/Respect is Hard to See [282 words]M ToveyFeb 15, 2021 18:02263772
7Well said, Islam has straight jacketed itself into self destruction. [139 words]PrasthantFeb 15, 2021 18:30263772
12Same feeling here, Ella, while we make great efforts to integrate their culture [144 words]A very concerned readerFeb 16, 2021 02:18263772
2Basis of Anthipathy Towards Judeo-Christian (Messianic) Beliefs [220 words]M ToveyFeb 19, 2021 21:55263772
3Great Truth teachings on Islam [99 words]SherryFeb 24, 2021 11:56263772
5Veils for answering the nature's call, the Muslim men's right to rape the unveiled women [338 words]A very concerned readerFeb 26, 2021 06:33263772
4Muslim dislike Christian / Christians have POWER over them [7 words]BrendaSep 17, 2021 15:28263772
7Hijab should not be used to exemplify diversity [274 words]PrashantFeb 7, 2021 01:39263720
21To Fatou: we wish we were discarded by your men!/ Thank us for warning you that they don't respect you either [335 words]A very concerned readerFeb 6, 2021 15:12263711
10Ladies here last comment [146 words]FatouFeb 6, 2021 09:56263707
Rat or not? [106 words]MimiAug 16, 2021 15:20263707
10Muslim Men will NEVER Marry a 53 year old Woman [243 words]AliciaAug 16, 2021 21:34263707
Female 53 years old. [102 words]MimiAug 17, 2021 14:42263707
5Hijab should not be presented as a symbol of diversity [159 words]PrashantFeb 6, 2021 01:47263699
7Hijab as a political statement [45 words]Lisa D.Feb 9, 2021 15:10263699
4Lina reply [90 words]FatouFeb 5, 2021 17:30263683
12Fatou: We wish they discard us!/ you should thank us for warning you [247 words]A very concerned readerFeb 6, 2021 14:57263683
4I would just leave it be [64 words]AjdaFeb 8, 2021 02:01263683
11Hmmm Fatou we all wonder [66 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 11:51263683
5Ajda [7 words]FatouFeb 8, 2021 15:39263683
11Fatou's self-righteousness stinks [110 words]PrashantFeb 9, 2021 18:12263683
3Married [25 words]To Jessica canadaFeb 11, 2021 10:11263683
5Big hypocrites too!!! [263 words]Lana(USA)Feb 11, 2021 10:51263683
9Religion over Science [77 words]Lisa DFeb 11, 2021 12:35263683
5Gifts [12 words]LinaFeb 11, 2021 15:48263683
19Marriage means nothing in Islam, my dear [101 words]A very concerned readerFeb 11, 2021 18:04263683
6Reply about Married- and why are you using my name [143 words]jessica (canada)Feb 12, 2021 16:23263683
13Islam is the worst, Muslim countries will never prosper they just get worse [87 words]AliciaFeb 12, 2021 17:33263683
6Alicia is right about Islam [96 words]PrashantFeb 15, 2021 18:42263683
6Cannot say Merry Christmas in here. [43 words]Jessica (Canada)Feb 15, 2021 22:34263683
9You're very right, that's why our women need to be aware of this [300 words]A very concerned readerFeb 15, 2021 23:12263683
7Big thank you and my best wishes always [263 words]A very concerned readerFeb 15, 2021 23:37263683
2Rat?? [99 words]MimiAug 18, 2021 05:17263683
1ROP celebrations in Dhaka [184 words]PrashantApr 5, 2022 21:00263683
Another violent incidence in Tel Aviv [122 words]PrashantApr 7, 2022 21:03263683
15The true face of a real Muslim Woman [1019 words]AliciaFeb 5, 2021 13:58263674
21To Fatou: Muslimahs are deceived too. Are you surprised? [294 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 13:14263670
4We all wait for Fatou reply to your comments [11 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 11:56263670
2Lina [144 words]FatouFeb 5, 2021 09:16263662
1Explain to concerned reader [145 words]FatouFeb 5, 2021 09:08263661
16Your points [64 words]LinaFeb 5, 2021 13:54263661
21Correction and more unreplied questions [209 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 14:43263661
14Purpose of the board [233 words]LinaFeb 5, 2021 17:34263661
8Things that happen in males parties and when nobody is watching [39 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 20:01263661
13I'll take what I want from your culture and insult the rest [125 words]JeffFeb 5, 2021 20:44263661
16The reasons why Fatou is here and the controversial respect topic [290 words]A very concerned readerFeb 6, 2021 16:03263661
3Lina and other who take this tone in comments [107 words]FatouFeb 7, 2021 09:55263661
7Don't forget [144 words]LinaFeb 8, 2021 14:38263661
6Thank you [125 words]LinaFeb 8, 2021 14:48263661
5Or better still [18 words]LinaFeb 8, 2021 14:50263661
8So true, Lina [123 words]A concerned readerFeb 8, 2021 23:15263661
3Thanks to you too! [23 words]A very concerned readerFeb 8, 2021 23:52263661
8That is why Muslims (and the reader Fatou) need education [157 words]PrashantFeb 9, 2021 17:59263661
27Muslim Marriages the REAL WAY [1437 words]AliciaFeb 4, 2021 23:03263645
12What a good picture of Pakistani societal system [281 words]A very concerned readerFeb 5, 2021 13:58263645
7Yes muslim will never like non-muslim [86 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 12:07263645
6This part is so true Alicia [387 words]jessica (canada)Feb 8, 2021 12:45263645
1Pipes Response/Our Religion [36 words]FatouFeb 4, 2021 16:31263624
3Teaching basic Arabic to wannabe Arabs our dear Fatou [241 words]dhimmi no moreFeb 5, 2021 14:14263624
4Guiding the perplexed our dear Fatou and deciphering the Arabic language [97 words]dhimmi no moreFeb 5, 2021 14:29263624
1Our dear Fatou and the word الصلوة/الصلاة (PRAYER) in the Qur'an [398 words]dhimmi no moreFeb 6, 2021 07:50263624
Mr. Pipes [6 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
AjdaFeb 8, 2021 09:53263624
23About arranged marriages: what Western women must know [299 words]A very concerned readerFeb 3, 2021 22:30263589
19In response to Fatou 2: It's all about respect [123 words]A very concerned readerFeb 3, 2021 17:55263578
10A very concerned reader: The correct translation of صلى الله عليه وسلم is not the PBUH nonsense [158 words]
w/response from Daniel Pipes
dhimmi no moreFeb 3, 2021 15:07263571

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