About your man To Debs

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Jun 4, 2009 at 12:40

I think there is no way to know if he is being genuine or not. I had known the man I was close with for two years before I ever saw him. He was always there online for me even though he worked from 8 till 9 at night. He even freaked once when I felt the need to stop talking with him, contacting my friends and asking them to reach me. He begged me to never disappear. He was so kind at first. Very loving and supportive. We planned our meeting but my visa didn't come through as quickly as expected and he got upset. He was always quick to say it's over but then he'd run back to me and try to make amends. This really bothered me. I told him that if he was serious about "us" he wouldn't always say it's over. I went to visit him and his family. Inside the house, the women were very comfortable and basically stripped to almost nothing behind closed doors. They treated me as family and took great care of me. Everyone was extremely kind.

I remember him always saying he never wanted to live in the USA. He said it at the beginning when I met him and all through that period of knowing him. I knew his family life. He worked everyday from 8 till 9 but sometimes he slept in. His mother made dinner for his extended family every Friday. He expected me to stay forever with him. When I decided to return to the USA he came within two months after me being there but he really wasn't the same. He was definitely on a mission to marry before his visa expired...and that doesn't mean just to marry me. He seemed put off when I felt sad or scared. He'd get angry with me instead of comfort me.

Alot of times he'd throw fits when he'd say it was over. IF we had a mutual friend, he'd say they were his friends and tell me not to talk with them. He acted like a little kid but this was after two years of knowing him.

With you, you might never know if it is genuine until it is simply too late. I wish I could say hold out for a lot longer since you have only known this person for a year. Whatever you do, don't give him anything, money, items and don't have sex with him before you marry which is probably too late. I noticed the man I was with, he would spend almost every moment with me at first to hardly any time at the end. He'd call every day at the end and we would talk fifteen minutes most of the time except one or two of the days where we'd talk almost an hour. I could always call before and he'd answer but alot of times he didn't answer my calls. He'd say he was either away from his phone, with his friend or sleeping. This was not normal. He lived by his phone. I'd text him and he would only answer me back if he felt like it. I knew his day's off. He did work but he always made plans to go out with some man from Jordan or other"men", or go work out, etc.

I didn't understand why he didn't try to spend more time with me. He always said I read too much into it. I realize now I have no idea what he was really doing all those times. I just believed him. Before he came to the USA we always talked online and saw each other. We never did that anymore and if I asked to see him in cam he told me it was too hard to hook up. There were really so many signs. He was very calm with me at first but he'd lose his temper easily. I remember in Egypt him getting into some situation with some men on the street about me. He'd kissed my forehead and three men approached him yelling. He fought back with his mouth and body language lol.

I just remember he had the chance to be calm but he wasn't. Once in Egypt he got angry with me and slammed his car into a poll. He dented it really bad and just got out of the car and said come on. I was shocked. Who slams their car into a poll? He gave me a phone in Egypt where I was unable to dial out of the country or receive out of the country calls. For about two weeks I was only able to go outside with him at night. One day I grew stir crazy and begged him to take me out during the day. He got so angry, threw my purse at me and told me to go. I remember looking at him shaking because he was so hard in that instance. I just went to some place in the building and cried. I went out of the building and looked around and walked a little ways and realized everything all looked the same.

I asked someone to help me call him which they did. He showed up very upset, tipped them and grabbed my arm squeezing it and pulled me to his car. He drove to a park and stearnly told me to get out and enjoy. I went to a bench and sat and cried while he sat waiting in the car. Finally he calmed and got out of the car and asked if I wanted some coffee. All the other times were great. We had a lot of fun together, shopping, swimming, spending time in the parks. These were just a few instances that shook me about him.

After he came to the USA, one morning he got angry with me and dumped all my things on me, screaming at me and telling me to go home. We were staying in Minneapolis with a friend. I upset him because I came into the room, got in bed and was feeling scared. So I leave and he calls me crying begging me to come back. I hated being with him most of the time here in the States.

He was very intense, very dramatic and he scared me. I tried again to be with him. We lived in my state and I was working full time. We had a house I had gotten. I remember coming home after work and he didn't say a word to me. He'd always be on the computer. He never asked me how was my day was. He'd just stare at that computer. I swear I thought it was stress of him being in a new place. One day on the way to work I was in traffic and he called asking about getting married in California. I don't even remember the conversation. Later that day I got a text saying he was moving to California to live with his cousins. When I came home I tried to talk with him but he wouldn't explain. He told me to take him to the airport. I was really confused. Finally after he'd packed all his things and we were driving to the airport, he told me I didn't respond right on the phone about marrying him in California. I asked him on the drive if he wanted to see where I grew up at and he literally freaked again and told me to let him out of the car. He kept saying I was going to get him killed. I was just like...what the he*ll... It was freezing. Snow was everywhere and he stood out in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere calling our mutual friends and making me seem like I'd done something genuinely bad and asking for help.

Anyway, things calmed. That night we slept apart and the next day we met. He kept telling me he needed and wanted me but I was confused. I was honest with him. I didn't know if I really wanted a life with him any more. He was different. He wasn't kind and I was scared of him. Most of all, I didn't like being around him. When he was gone I missed him and I loved how he was in Egypt but I hated who he was here.

All I know is, if he belittles you when you ever cry or feel sad, if he doesn't seem to care about your feelings or he says terms like women always screw things up. Just please be careful and don't offer to give anything to him. Here in the USA I was raised that when you marry everything becomes ours but culture is different there. It's not a good thing to give anything to them.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".