Re advice wanted

Submitted by yasemin (Canada), Jun 4, 2009 at 16:37

As i read your post, i was reminded of my husband's behavior and so it might be relevant in your case.

First my husband would say one thing then change his opinion in a flash. In the beginning, he said having children wasn't important. Suddenly it was very important ( i can't have any)., maybe because the family was busy arranging a second marriage. One day he loved me beyond life itself, the next he walked out. This is what you can look forward to.

Second, the distancing is a huge red flag. I'm thinking there is another woman. As for his saying he's honest with you about this, my husband said, when asked if he was looking for women: " I'm a muslim, and it's forbidden for me to lie." He forgot to add that this rule only applies to being honest with other muslims. Lying to non-muslims is okay. A short time later i found numerous profiles on dating websites, all started after we married, and learned of the arranged marriage plans.

Third, he's more into his religion. My husband suddenly became very religious ( fake) at the time when his family and he were involved in arranging the second marriage. He started commenting on western women, saying they were like prostitutes. He started openly professing his hatred of Jews and blacks. Do you know your husband's views on all these things ?

Fourth, regarding men's egos in the middle east, he expressed for the first time his belief that the man was the head of the household and equality was unworkable in marriage. Be careful of their egos - it can lead him to assume he has the right to treat you in any way he sees fit.

Important to remember that the family frequently takes part in the scam so don't forget this.

Listen to the alarm bells - your instincts are right that something has changed. I'd be running the other way.

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