I still understand

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Jun 9, 2009 at 23:23

I won't ever say every situation is the same but keep in mind that the majority of situations on this site seem quite similar. Just watch everything and if you notice that he seems distressed about money and his situation and complains to you a lot or making you feel guilty, never offer money or material help. Try to spend a huge amount of time getting to know him and don't let your eyes become clouded over with your attachment for him. See everything he is. Try not to jump into marrying quickly. Just be safe. In the end if he is anything like what you read about from all these other women, you will be so much more heartbroken when you feel so deceived by someone you felt you trusted so much. I never dreamed that the relationship I had with the one I mentioned would have turned in the direction it did.

The first two years I called him my beautiful man. He was so sincere, seemed so honest and I never doubted his devoted faith in Islam or what seemed like his utter devotion and love for me. The next two years after the first two were when I started realizing he had a huge temper, he yelled, threw trantrums, refused to speak with me when he was angry, he held grudges and made me feel guilty for everything. He blamed me for all his problems and he made me feel guilty if I wasn't suffering as much. He criticized woman, always saying women messed everything up or women were all the same ...etc.

Yes this bothered me because it would be like me saying all men are the same which we know this is definitely not true. It made me feel not so important when the first two years he acted like he'd die without me. Just take care ok. How the man I knew could go so long without showing his true colors, I shall never know or understand. I was so defensive in the beginning about this man when anyone said bad things about him or told me he only wanted me for sex or any other thing. I would ignore the ones that said this, even deleting them in cases because I just didn't want to hear it. It hurt and I hated the way I felt.

I just tried to ignore the things that sadden me about him, his personality and give excuses. If you see things that you just don't agree with don't ignore them as I did. Know that in a marriage, this will only get worse with time if it even starts to get bad in the beginning. You are stronger now than you will ever be in a year or two or three from now. Be careful please.

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