Heartfelt reply to Amber Rose---Egyptian man, on-line communication, on-line dating, Phillipines, Muslim man

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jun 10, 2009 at 00:56

Hello Amber!

It sounds like you've got quite a project going there!

Since you are a student of communication, I'm sure you'll understand if I tell you that romance is just a very complex form of persuasive communication that focuses on logos (logic) and ethos (emotion).

Naturally, the first part of any relationship starts off good. The part where you notice his eyes and all that---it's all natural and known as the "honeymoon phase". This is were everything the two of you do seems perfect to one another.

Here's the hard part:

Were you two dating in real life, Amber, I would say the honeymoon phase lasts about 3-4 months as a non-scientific guess. But when you talk about the internet, you are only getting a fraction of the communication that you would on a real date. It's even less than that if he is not being honest with you.

Even with the webcam, there is still a time delay and the motions are off. It's pretty much impossible to follow his motions fluidly and mimic them. This is called mirroring, and it takes practice to do even in person. The other issue is that you cannot touch him, and without having even met him, you two don't even know if your pheremones will like each other. There is so much that happens on a real date that just can't happen over the internet. It's also a problem when trying to calibrate your emotional states to match each other's. Usually, it's up to the guy to do this.

I would also like to mention, Amber, that the fiascos you are reading on here are really nothing new. Issues regarding distance dating by phone and snail mail are well documented and the cases I have seen often involve the same basic elements.

One thing I have observed as a guy is that men are much more confident lying over the phone or the internet. This is because the women cannot readily detect the male nonsense as if they were courting in person. That is one reason why I see so many women on here ask the question "Am I being paranoid?" the reality is, they cannot come to terms with their instincts because the lack of communication provided from the internet or whatever distance media they are using just doesn't give them enough information, and information, is of course, security.

It's also worth noting that many women on here do not apply the same standards to men on-line as men in person. It truly is amazing how many women come acorss as bright and educated, but are suckered in by scammers, or how they are convinced they are going to find a good husband who is on-line in the wee hours of the morning. I mean, if you had three kids, would you be looking for a father for them in a back alley at 3 am? Probably not.

Many of the relationships on here are doomed also because of the age difference between the man and the woman. These "encounters" (believe that's what the vast majority of these end up being) are becoming more and more popular, but they pretty much never result in long-term relationships. The scammers who come after these women, Amber, know what they are doing. That is why you see so many posts involving older, divorced women who have kids with younger men from these countries. Many of these women, such as Isis and Yasemin, have had some pretty traumatic experience. They specifically target women who they see as troubled, even easy in some cases. That is the hidden stereotype among men in the West---that divorced women want it and want it bad.

I would also like to point to your concern about being safe there. It's a lot different going into the streets of Cairo than it is at say Sharm el Shiek, the Pyramids or a Red Sea Resort. These areas are vital to Egyptian economic interest and are carefully guarded, at least by the means that Egypt currently has. I would say, though, in most cases, on-line dating just ends up being a headache for the person getting screwed over. I've actually obtained evidence that suggests to me that on-line dating is actually more dangerous for men, with the Craigslist website being the utmost excpetion. Several women in the USA have been murdered by meeting men from that site.

The biggest gimick about this I think is love. I do not believe that real, matrimonal love happens over the internet, phone or mail,this is about all the communication gaps I have spoke about before. I don't doubt the attraction that women feel for their man, but it's worth noting in many cases, had the man they married not been from the heart of jerkyville, they would not have even considered meeting a Muslim man on-line. In your case, Amber, I do find it similar to your thesis, because if you had not been doing that, you would have had no reason to meet this fellow from Egypt. I really think it's important for people to realize it's not like women get up one morning and decide they are going to find a man from X country. I've also observed that phases often occur where one month or week it's men from Egypt who are attractive, then it's India, Morocco, Pakistan, you get the idea, but it's all pretty much based on appearance.

You've also mentioned culture. Well, Amber, while many of the posts on here are clearly involve scammers and liars, the other issue are the cultural differences. If you take the US census, for example, you'll find that despite all the rancor about tolerance and divesity (in my view, it's overrated), that most people will marry people who have the same skin colour, religion, even poltiical views. Why? Because it's easier and studies show that relationships based more on similarities, not differences, are the best and last the longest.

The same is true for Morocco and Egypt. Most Egyptians will marry Egyptians and most Moroccans will marry Moroocans. It's just that people are comfortable doing that.

To address some of your concerns, Amber:

1) Could he be married? It has happened before. What scammers and liars like to do is get a woman invested in a relationship before making their move. They'll do the usual routine of flirting and flattering and once you fall for them, they'll spill the beans that they are married and make you feel like you have to go through with it anyways because you've already invested so much. It can actually be quite effective, and a couple of women have even written on here defending getting into a polygamous marraige. Talk about low self-respect and esteem.

2) There's more to these than visa scams. You did mention cultural differences, but there's also men out there would be more than happy to use a Christian woman's womb for the sole sake of jihad. In his view, he would be doing his perverted view of Islam a favor by raising the kids Muslim.

3) Is he playing hard to get? It often does seem like this, but I am convinced in many cases it's because he is talking to other women, and I can see how that attracts yourself and other women, because it's often mistaken for him acting like a challenge, when in reality, he's got other cliente.

4) The naughty stuff----this guy may very well just be looking for a good time with an exotic woman. A lot of times, it's as simple as that and I can recall at least one story on here about that.

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