In Response

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Jun 10, 2009 at 19:06

Hi anon1...I am not with him. I was hoping that was clear in all the things I have written and I would never be stupid enough to fall again but I really appreciate this site. It is clear to me that everything that happened with the man I knew was just all lies.

It is still hard for my mind to comprehend how anyone can be so good at lying. I also realize these men will say you are the kindest creature, say total words of love...even go to the point of crying to convince you of their sincerety and love. They tell you ...you have a white heart...and so many other things just to convince you that somehow you are different or more special than all the rest. To me these men are stealing...and dishonoring what they represent. What is the council in the Quran for stealing? These men have two faces. The one that makes them seem like they are the kindest man in the world and the other that makes them seem like the Devil. Usually the latter is never seen until it is too late. One might think that "Devil" is a strong term but when you personally have gone through these things then you can only understand and somehow these men are really evil. They prey on the compassions of women and these Arab countries think these women might be stupid but the truth is, what they do is just almost unheard of here. Most women just don't realize how these men can do this. It's not that they are stupid, it's just not in their culture, their heart to be so bad. The women are gullible though but believe me they learn. These men take the hearts of these women...they take everything these women have, their possessions, their entry to getting greencards, they play on their weaknesses and know how to cause them pain. They use their loving kindnes, their faith in humanity...and they make them feel like sluts, they lie and lie to them, most tend to be mean to them and they make all these promises creating women to truly trust in them. The women are left confused because when she start seeing things that she doesn't feel are right ...she might be given the line: "how can you really doubt my love for you...and this and that" or told she always just listens to others and what they say( that makes her feel guilt...see this site:) lol...or if he is getting tired of her and tired of her trying to talk with him about it he will just leave her alone for awhile. As time goes on, he will go for days and eventually everything becomes very clear to the woman but then she is in denial. They are really incredible at deceiving. It just blows your mind at what they can do. Do they go to some special learning school to figure out their techniques? How do people learn to be so cruel? They fill every ounce of this woman's life with deception and lies and then at the end the woman is left with her mind spinning wondering how, why, was anything at all true and sad...so so sad. You know how it is wondering if if he will ever even remember you later after he has destroyed so many other lives.... It's just very confusing. To the Muslim women and men from these other Arab countries that have judged women that reverted and regarded them as women not as good as you. Remember that a woman who chose Islam, reverts because she was searching for truths usually and this should show she has Allah's direction to you. She didn't just accept it from having her whole family in it and being made to be in it because she was born into it. Yes there are some that revert because they just love and but most take their faith too seriously to just revert for a man. Still some do I know but alot of women searched even before she met this man, she changed her whole life. Alot of times she searched for the man because of her change. Alot of these women lost their whole family and friends because of their choice to revert. She made true and deep sacrifices in regards to her faith. She actually should be upheld as a great example so I am confused on why these women are berrated . In Western society, when a woman gives herself to a man and shares everything she is or has, it is a gift of love. It shows this man what a wonderful woman she is and how committed she is to him. Also if she was raised a Christian and reverted, she was taught from birth that when you marry the two become as one person, meaning what is hers is his and what is his is hers. These thoughts just don't dissappear even when someone reverts. Sometimes it's embedded in the heart. She has changed yes...but...it is just how she is. To both men and women in these other Arab countries, they confuse this way as a weakness and being pathetic. Men here know if they screw up and use women in this way women learn and will never trust or be so giving again. Men also know not to take their women for granted or they may lose that beautiful heart that was given to them in the first place. There is a huge cultural differences between these countries. In these Arab countries, if she does this for a man...it is look at as a way to control and disrespect someone snce he can always just divorce and marry another. I always wonder how they can lie so easily and never develop a soft heart seeing the eyes of the faces of these women they have destroyed. We know in Islam divorce is not a bad thing ...and a Muslim man can marry up to four wives and have these Mutah marriages on the side. It makes a man seem weak to me if he does this because he is given the choice either to keep running from his problems when he takes these other wives or face what he started and really make something good work. We all know that everyone has problems in marriages and even after a few years the passion that once existed won't be as strong. Sometimes it won't exist at all especially in arranged marriages. Some divorces are unpreventable but some are done just because people lose that passion or feel bored. It happens with both men and women and so a person can choose to remember the person they fell inlove with at the beginning and work at it to make their own passion together again. That is why they say marriage takes alot of work:) or... they can fail. These men seem to never figure that out. Each time when it gets tough he can marry another woman, never realizing that the intense passion will go with that next woman and the next..and the next within a short time and he will never feel fully satisfied. What creates real love is peserverance, our struggles together and mutual respect as a couple. What I notice with people married for like 20 years is they usually love the crazy things about their mate that ticked them off at the beginning and rubbed them the wrong way. What woman can even respect a man that needs so many women to feel like a man? He seems inconsistent and unpleasable. As for Mutah marriages, For Western society all this basically sound like is having a prostitute around whenever he wants on the side. The human compassion...where did it go from these men? Why weren't they ever taught to be kind to others from birth? They really give themselves and their country a bad name. Eventually all women will just run from them thinking they are the lowest creatures in the world. This is what they are creating for themselves by doing what they do. This is what the man I knew made in me and in the end my mind keeps questioning how can these men ever say they have any faith, love or respect for their God/Allah if they can even think of doing such horrible things. Alot of these women convert so they are Muslims and these men still lie and hurt them to get what they want. I trust they will find their place when they die and they will have to account for all they did. I do believe all bad things a person does, does come back to them:) Just because someone is born poor doesn't give them reasons to mistreat others.

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