re: Egyptian Man, online communication, online dating, Philippines

Submitted by Amber Rose (Philippines), Jun 11, 2009 at 23:53

Hi Luigi! Looking back, I wished I chose a different thesis proposal. Sure, I learned a lot through the course of my research, but I have fallen deeply in love to a man who is probably a player or a liar. When emotion started to confuse my rational thinking, deciding what is right from wrong became a tumultuous struggle. You see, I always give him the benefit of the doubt. Part of my brain is defending him, of what could have been if I just learn to trust him wholeheartedly.

But most of the time, I feel alone on this relationship. It has been weeks now and no offline messages, phone calls or text coming from him. His lame excuse of being busy doesn't seem believable to me right now. I am busy too, juggling my hectic schedule between work and graduate studies but I always find time to keep in touch. Normally, I waited for him until 1:00 am because that's the time he'll finished working. I could not believe on how I sacrificed for this man, having to sleep late and wake up early almost every day. But I guess, when you're in love you are willing to go an extra mile to show and prove what you really feel. But realizing what you said makes me wonder that maybe the feeling is not mutual.

Just like Shannon's Model of the Communication Process, noise could distort the message delivered by the source to its destination. I used this model to my research, so as expected I am adamant about online dating and cyber relationship. I know he could lie and fabricate information about everything and surprisingly, I know all of these facts and have solid research materials proving it. For men, the major areas of deception are educational level, income, height, age and marital status; at least 13 percent of online male suitors are thought to be married.

I have all this data at the palm of my hand but just the same, my heart was blinded by my feelings for this Egyptian man. Last semester had been a painful life learning experience for me and though there are some regrets, I still thank God that I met him. The happiness I felt when we talked was priceless. Yes Luigi, I am starting to accept that the honeymoon phase is over, at least for him. But for me, it just grew deeper with time. It is just traumatic to even ponder that my love will never be reciprocated. Guess I have to learn things about love the hard way.

You discussed about culture. Indeed having brought up in a strict Catholic upbringing and studied in Catholic schools all my life will surely run its course through time. He is a Muslim, prayed 5 times a day and like me, devoted to his faith. Our differences even created a sense of mystery and thrill for me. Maybe it could work out, coming into terms with our cultural and religious differences. But like you said, relationships thrive on similarities, not on differences. I couldn't agree more. Even sisters and brothers could have opposing personalities or even ideologies that grow up on the same family and environment. But you see love could make someone irrational, even stupid. I would count myself in definitely.

I am very loyal and committed to this relationship to a point of avoiding male suitors here in my own country, Philippines. I considered myself taken and not available to entertain male attention further, while he could just be hanging out with different girls professing undying love – the same things he said to me. Having to share him with another woman drives me crazy. I could not entertain these thoughts anymore. It hurts so badly.

About him being married, yes I thought about that Luigi a couple of times. I even saw her alleged sister on camera and they don't look similar. There is a slight distrust that she could be his wife. I really don't know and I will never know. I just miss the times we spent talking on camera. I wore the dress he liked and even applied make up to be more beautiful on his eyes. Imagine this is 1:00 A.M Philippine Time when people are asleep after a long stressful day at work. I remembered literally running to my apartment after class, so I will not be late on our time.

But according to him, he also exerted sacrifices like I did. After work, he drove an hour to his home just to talk to me. His manager told him to stay in the office, but he refused to spend time with me. That's what he said. I don't know if those were true. I tried to end this relationship, but his persistence to keep me on his life paid off most of the time. He'll say, Baby you are my queen. I cannot live without you. I will do everything for you because I am your slave. Please don't lose our love. You are the only reason of my happiness. Come back to me. I love you so much. Right now, those are just words not manifested on his actions. If he really loves me, how could he bear not talking to me for weeks? He could text or call me, if talking online is impossible. I don't know Luigi. I know he'll come back in time. But I will be cautious now and guard my heart.

About him being hard to get? Or maybe not! He's probably talking now to someone else. Typing this response is making me cry. I just don't know why I feel this way to this Egyptian man knowing all the information I have about online relationship. I just want to move on with my life and forget all about him. On his being naughty, well I guess I am just a chase. A woman who challenged his male ego, making me just an experiment! I hope I could move on with my life and be totally over him. I know in God's time, it will happen. Inshallah !

Anyway, thank you very much Luigi!

Sincerely Yours,

Amber Rose

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