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Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Jun 16, 2009 at 21:15

What I found is when you warn women of these things they seem to make excuses or overlook all the indescretions of the man. Everyone here knows my story and for a year I was seeing a man that had married another American woman. I knew him for almost four years, 2 1/2 talking online but only one year here in the USA. He called me on a daily basis...said all the sh* that we read on here and we met periodically.

When I realized he was married to this other woman a few months ago, he married her days before his visa was to expire April, 2008 but when he came he was to be with me. He said he came here for me. I had spent two months with him in Egypt and we had a wonderful time. When he was here in the USA he acted so crazy, almost like he had mental problems. I grew afraid of committing to him and wanted to know him much better before I just gave up everything to be with him. He came here in Nov. of 2007. Stayed with me...we parted January 1, 2008 from living together because I just didn't like how he would always get angry with me and push me to get married. It made me think he only wanted me for the Greencard which didn't appeal at all to me. He'd freak out and throw a ton of fits as it got closer to his visa to expire. He started to scare me. He went to live with his cousins in January of 2008 cause I asked him to and thought we'd see each other and get to know each other better.

There were so many signs that all he wanted was either sex, greencard or money and I was an idiot because I was one of those women that wouldn't listen. I wanted to Always think that those months in Egypt were real and that without all the stress of being in a new country, once he was working, on his feet and living normal he'd be fine with me. It never happened. By April his visa expired and that same month he married this other woman. Three days after he married her he flew to me and ...we had sex. He stayed with me for over a week saying how much he loved me etc.. etc.. etc..

When I found out about this other woman being in the picture... I knew her name and email, I wrote her telling her for the last year hed been married to her he was calling me everyday and seeing me, professing to love me and saying he wanted to marry me the whole freakin time. Since he wasn't living with her the whole time he could do absolutely anything. She wrote me back saying: "even though I found him to be the most awful man in the world, to her he was the most wonderful man in the world etc.. that she wasn't there to hold onto him. She said she respected him enough to let him live his own life and even if he didn't want to be with her that is ok. He is free to do as he wishes but she said she is good to him and so she does have that connection which she seemed satisfied with. Crazy.

First if I was married to the man he wouldn't live 6 hours away from me for over a year or we wouldn't be married lol. Second if I found out full complete proof that the whole time he was sleeping with another I'd not be forgiving but some people are just plain strange. I guess she thinks if she is soooo nice and loyal to him by giving him his green card and other things then maybe he might stop sleeping with other women, go live with her and actually be a real husband?

By the way...since I stopped talking to him he is listing himself on dating sites. Or ...maybe they are just great friends and she accepts that he will never feels for her as that great love but hey she is happy to have what she has? It's all crazy but I guess since it was for the Greencard, if they come out and just say it, she would go to jail and he would be deported so she will fight to the end of the earth to save herself. Either way she has no self respect and he is still residing in another area away from her. He would deny it but there are ways of knowing:) Anyway, you just risk having another person peed at you but I doubt you have to worry about her being your BFF anyway :)

When people are all mixed up in this they just don't really want to listen because they don't want to give up what they feel for this one. You know how you were and I remember how I was. When people told me he was no good I got upset and wouldn't even talk to them after a bit . I avoided them, treated good friends bad because of my own emotions and yet they were all right. Even in Amber's case on here. That man went two weeks without talking to her. We all know when someone really cares how it is to go two weeks without talking. It drives you insane and I never went a day without talking with that one I knew until the beginning of May. Our communication grew worse and I complained about it not being as much but it never was two whole weeks without...the most a day. Now of course since the beginning of May I have cut all contact.

These men will make every excuse in the book when they are not around...a good sign is going long periods without trying to reach you. This usually means he is talking with others, spending time with others. He will say work and every other reason but when someone is so inlove with you they don't go a day without talking. Most women will not listen until they are ready to but you can enlighten her and show her this site. It is quite amazing how many people undergo the same exact treatment. Maybe she will see the light.

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