Heartfelt reply to Suspicious

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jun 19, 2009 at 18:30

Dear Suspicious

I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you, and I really wish there was something I could do to make the confusion and pain stop.

What I can tell you is that

A few years ago I met a woman on a dating site, and since we lived so far apart we communicated over the phone and by myspace and facebook. After a while, I found that she had cheated on me the day we got together. It started off by her sending naked pictures of herself to other men, then it was cybersex, and sure enough she even used my credit card to buy lingerie for herself (for other men, I guess) and she even took our car to go and have sex with someone else.

I guess it would be trite of me to say "well, these things happen" and it really does hurt, especially if you have to bear the Cross of a mental illness along with it.

Let me see if I can explain further:

You have every right to be upset. No question about it. What bothers me the most, though is that you are confused, and I am convinced, Suspicious, this is because you still care for him. I mean, it's like our feelings can truly go from 60 to zero. That's one reaons why it hurts so much.

On whether or not you should contact her:

Here is what I would say: If you just say to her, "no please, don't do it" that will not likely suffice. There's always the chance she could end up seeing you as competition instead of another woman. In which case, she'll try harder.

Then there's the flip side where you could end up being her counselor. I'm not too sure if I like that idea long-term because I am wary on here that you are still confused, and men who know the dating game really well know that a confused woman can be further manipulated.

I would say the best course of action you can do is tell her what happened, and tell her to come her and talk to us. She needs to see that this is an epidemic.

That would be the best way to convince her. Just know that you can't live her life for her.

But my more immediate concern is you, and I understand if you're not ready to be her shoulder or even worse, have her come down on you and blame you for seducing him or something like that.

So, are things getting any better for you?

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