Dear Amber

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Jun 26, 2009 at 18:17

Hey Sweety:

You asked me some questions before about what to watch out for and if a man can seem so loving at first and then really change. I can assure you the man I knew was completely and totally kind and loving for a complete 2 1/2 years before he ever showed his really bad side. Also remember we were just friends for a year before I ever responded to any kind of affection. He acted like a best friend the first year, listening and giving advice.

The second year things changed and we grew close. I felt I couldn't communicate with my husband at all at the time. I thought I tried but he didn't ever seem to listen to me. I had a job that I had been stuck in for many years and I wanted a less strenuous job. I felt unhappy. I remember trying to talk with him about it but he'd always get angry and there was never any negotiating. It was just his way. I stopped approaching him about anything and I let my affections go to this other man. I know it never made things right and of course there was alot more involved.

That was just one instance that motivated me. This Egyptian man would always saying how beautiful I was but they all did. With him he was a bit different than the rest. He didn't always ask for the cam all the time. He seemed happy just talking most of the time. He had a ton of pictures of me of course but he wasn't like most of the men I had met that would think you were there for them sexually. I would delete those men automatically lol. He seem more polite and respectful at the time.

Once we got close he didn't want me talking to other men. In a way, I like a man to be a bit jealous but not to the extreme. I had some friends that were just that, friends and I cut them off for the majority when he asked me to. Still when I felt confused about Egyptian culture and the way he might act or respond I remember a few times I went to friends I had known for a long time to ask questions. If I ever told him how my friends responded, he'd freak out for me just talking with another about our relationship. If someone ever commented that he was just seeking a Greencard or well most said he was basically after sex.

When I seemed scared about this and doubted our relationship he'd get so angry. He'd say I was unable to think for myself, that I was not like Egyptian women because they knew how to treat their man, how to respect their man and not go around talking to everyone about their man. Keep inmind I had three friends total other than him that I only ever spoke with and I'd go months never speaking with anyone but him. He was dedicated to me. He called me everyday and when he ran out of credit for his phone he used his mother's phone. We also talked perhaps two to three or even four hours on the internet at times daily. He let me have access to all his emails so we were able to make calls off of yahoo and Skype. He bought credit and we like talking on the phone way more than typing on the internet and we found it was much cheaper buying credit through these sites and calling each other than using our cellphones.

I never questioned how he felt about me. I met his mother online on the cam and a friend said that was a huge deal. I didn't know. I remember when I went on his id's to call him he didn't even have but maybe ten other people other than me and some were men so I felt pretty secure. I was all over his myspace and he plastered my pic hugely saying I was his Queen. We started talking of a time when I could visit him. He seem to be growing desperate saying being away from each other wasn't good for us. We of course got much closer and started to feel desperate to really touch each other. By this time I had known him for atleast two years. He never went two weeks without talking to me. He never went a day without talking to me. If I didn't call him by a certain time he'd act all worried every day.

When we met in Egypt, I just went for a visit because I had a five year old daugter at home. At first I felt like he was a stranger. It just felt odd. He was all smiley and he kissed me right away. I was shaking so hard. I was just so terrified. He introduced me to everyone, his cousins, his aunts and uncles and they all said I looked like a beautiful Arabic woman. They were all incredibly kind and he had a rich aunt and uncle that said I was too refined, that he had to buy a place where they lived quickly for me. I didn't want to stay and he didn't seem to care about my daughter. He didn't like it I mean and he was totally jealous of her. He told me he couldn't see how his woman could love another, even a child more than him. He wanted me to go to a certain Mosque there in Egypt and revert...then he wanted to marry in the Mosque but there was waiting time of four months.

Really it all scared me and felt utterly rushed and when I chose not to do it he was visibly upset with me. He kept saying if I'd just be patient, in a few months he'd take me back , get my daughter and we'd fly together. He also wanted me pregnant so I wouldn't leave. By the way my grandfather was from Syria but my Grandmother was from England and then my father, he is Indian.

After spending one month with him I told him I was going home. He was so angry with me, screaming at me at first and then crying. Other than this instance my whole stay there was very good and I was treated well. I just wanted to get back to my daughter and I told him from the begnning I couldn't live without her. I guess I took it as he loved me when he was so desperate. I left, came home and spent some time in the hospital. The whole time I didn't eat in Egypt and I just kind of wasted away. I am 5 foot 5...and I weighed like 95 pounds upon returning. It was so different. He wanted me to live there with his mom and him and I felt like I was constantly being watched and nothing was mine. Don't get me wrong. She treated me like I was a Queen and as someone else said, she and the whole family gave me a ton of gifts. I guess that is not a good sign lol.

I went from everything being mine to feeling like nothing was and of course I could never leave my baby. I do have a new home, three cars, I am somewhat spoiled here so I wasn't used to the difference and I never thought of myself as superficial but cooking in my own kitchen or being alone at times, well it a big deal to me. I didn't want to be there permantly and he expected me to drop everything I had and stay there with him forever.

After I returned he went from missing me profusely and crying to being angry...to saying he couldn't live without his heart. He applied for a visa which that is another story. He worked for Citibank and after I left he said they were firing him but he lingered on for a few months still with his company until he came here. He was to train the new person they hired I guess. So He gets here and he is so different. He seems uptight all the time, yelling and in a total rush to get married. He was alot different than in Egypt as well. He became very hard on me when he was more patient with me before and tender in Egypt.

He thew fits like a child. I mean like a literal spoiled child. This side never showed online and he was very selfish. He talked degradingly to me in general about women saying they always screwed up everything etc... At one point he threw all my clothes at me when I started to cry about the divorce process and everything. He screamed at me and told me to just go. He even grabbed me and pushed me out the door and then when I am about an hour away he was crying and begging me to come back. I remember how he was and I was like, to h*ll with this, I'm outta here. I drove all the way back home (16 hours). Then we talked and he wanted me to come back. I missed him of course or I missed sex (seriously it was about the only thing that was good between us)

When we were together it just didn't feel right. He didn't seem right in his head. I went back after a week of being away from him cause he made me feel so guilty saying he never treated me as I did in his country and how he always took care of me and stood by me. I saw his id and he'd added more people and at this point I was no longer on his myspace or facebook because I had deleted mine.

I realized at this time he talked with the woman he actually literally married during the few days we were apart. I don't even think they hardly talked before this but the visa was only for three months and he had to figure out how to stay. If I wasn't going to be his ticket he was going to find someone else.

At the time I really didn't want to believe he was like that but it points to that. I wanted time to get to know him better under less stressful conditions. He'd say he left a good job for me in Egypt, he gave up everything for me to be treated like this. I felt great guilt. While we were living apart I reqested him to add me to his myspace. I'd made a new one. He totally refused. He completely and utterly refused. I felt something definitely wasn't right by this time and it hurt deeply how he had gotten with me.

He started to get secretive but he had an answer as to why for everything. Basically I wasn't respecting him or being good if I felt jealous and he told me he could talk to anyone anywhere so it wasn't a big deal about really adding me to his Myspace. I hated how he worded it and then he said, it was me who he wanted to marry and didn't I know who I was? How I effected him? How much he loved me? etc.... He still talked to me every day but not as much as he did before. We hardly ever used the internet but we talked about an hour every day. I swear if he had gone for two weeks with no communication I'd not even think he stilled cared. When I complained that he didn't make time for me we'd argue alot and then after a few days come to a truce and have like this five hour talk.

He always made me feel guilty for almost everything. Any suffering ...anything he said he endured. I guess this woman he had talked with like in December of 2007...well by Feb. of 2008 they made an agreement to marry without even meeting and in Apil of 2008 a few days before his visa expired he married her the first time he saw her in Vegas. I didn't know and...on top of it, right after they married, within the next few days he was in my city with me for about two weeks.

At this point he started acting perverted sexually. He wanted me to be with another woman...just me and he wanted to be able to watch. When I got upset and was like no way he was like see what I do for you and you can't even do this for me. I didn't either. After his stay with me he said ...baby I only want you but the way he was before really scared me. I thought God, was the USA making him perverted? I was lied to for the last year...............and it only got worse....he wanted me to be with other men and him at the same time, he wanted to watch me with other men and women and well ...he wanted other women while I watched ...I mean he wanted group sex ok and I literaly hate myself for not seeing this in him at the beginning and this is what it came down to...

Our last conversation I asked him if he really wanted such things and he told me my mind was f* up...my mind. No I never did anything in that way with him but if he lied to me about so much that whole time then I suppose he was lying to me about his faithfulness as well. He was just plain nasty. So yes Amber they can seem to care, and lie out their a*s but there is a point you just care so much you don't want to believe it and you start thinking how the heck did you give so much, sacrifice so much effort and time for nothing. I knew he was not being sensible when he didn't care for my baby and he was jealous of her but I guess I'd hope he'd overcome it or get better and it was just stress of having a difficult time adjusting to the states.

After I came to this site I was like "OMG" everything just made complete sense then. I feel bad I almost risked a man that does love me so much, a stable and secure life for my baby for the unknown and you really don't know what kind of men these people are from the internet. For me I really don't love him lol. Yes it confused me how someone can lay there and hold you and treat you like they love you and then be a total other person. I missed what I knew of him in Egypt but it really just hurt more to know I was used for basically sex. I mean by the end he wanted me to scour the malls for another to have sex with us. Seriously he asked this of me.

When I said I can't do that he was like it's easy. You are beautiful, anyone would want to have sex with you. So there it is. You ask what he could possibly want with you. Well easy enough, sex is a huge thing and as broke as you may think you are he also may think he can get some money from you in time as well. Also remember they usually never just come out and point blank ask for money. They give you the guilt trip. We all know there are good and bad people everywhere and I don't judge. I just know what happened to me and I think the man I knew was even worse than the majority of all of them with the orgy stuff. He's just totally warped.

It's just that these countries are well known for these tactics so keep yourself safe my dear and .don't succumb to anyone that tells you if you love them you will be willing to please them in even the worst of ways. Search for truth and don't let him make you feel guilt for doing so. If this man loves you he will guard and protect your heart and everything you hold dear. Oh by the way...I saw him this last February and his list had grown to what seem like over 100 by then lol.

The Best of Wishes In All Your Life.

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