caution_to_the_wind, men from luxor etc.

Submitted by Lina (United Kingdom), Jul 3, 2009 at 05:48

Hi C.t.t.w

Yes, it is natural to be shocked at the horror stories on here, as most women who landed up involved with a north african man were pretty much oblivious to the underlying motives of such men, prior to hooking up with them. We've all heard about "gigolos who only want you for a visa"... but it isn't touched upon much further than that. The men usually work in such slick ways that you even think, oh but he's different. He's definitely not the visa-gigolo.

There is nothing wrong at all with your friendship with this guy. And maybe it'll turn out that you have a lot in common... in any case don't rush into it. I'm assuming the man is from the west bank - these men usually come from very traditional families, where contact with girls outside the family is not approved of. Marriages are usually arranged. It's way different to more modern Egyptian life. And the way they think can be completely different to how we in the west do - that even a girl giving a certain look to a man is considered a come-on, and that initiating contact with a man is an invitation to even a sexual relationship. They are often supersticious - one west bank man I knew even claimed that a cat sitting on a woman's stomach killed her baby, & that cats have evil powers... lol. They are known to be extra jealous and controlling, compared to lower egyptians. Probably more violent. And they usually have a "good" girl and a girl to have fun with, at the same time.

Basically, what they are taught in their childhood is always with them. Mother knows best, girls who talk to strange men are forbidden, etc etc. Most of the men have a wild side, but would you really trust someone like that in the long run? Someone who hooks up with a random girl at a station? Who's to say he wouldn't do the same thing to the next naive woman?

Most of the resident gigolos of Hurghada and Sharm el Sheikh come from upper egypt (luxor etc). They are brilliant actors, from the strictest muslim families with arranged marriages, yet when they get there they go wild & turn into Don Juans. They often experience discrimination from upper egyptians, due to their wild streak, darker skin and lack of education.

I don't know that I like the sound of this man, especially where you mention that he enjoys a few romps after dinner - with whom? Tourists, prostitutes? He sounds like a player. You see it is usually the "bad" muslims who commit most of the offences on here. The self-contradictory ones who claim to pray 5 times a day and yet smoke and drink.

His "stalking" you is quite well-known behaviour. Men from upper egypt (luxor) are usually very pushy, but what could he be pushing you for? First of all, he is probably from a sexually repressed background... he could want you sexually, which is illegal before marriage in Egypt. C.t.t.w, men from upper egypt are very romantic - I think they are born this way, and I've mentioned in this blog before that even boys as young as 10 or 11 could charm the hell out of Joseph Stalin. One young boy even flirted with me, giving me roses and flattering me while we were touring an island, before telling me to ask my step-father for "baksheesh". They learn from a young age that women want flattery, & that it can be sold. And I thought, how the hell did he learn this behaviour?

It's easy to be charmed by their difference, their simplicity, their words. Western men don't know how to wrap a girl round their finger half as good as they do. Even I feel a certain attachment to Luxor every time I'm there, like I've lived there my whole life. And the men are so earthly and they have something boyish about them, especially us coming from the harsh west, where we're so far removed from nature. But they don't make great life partners most of the time, because of that - they are too different culturally. They grow older and lose what you were attracted to... that said, you can still see that charm even when they're old.

This may sound harsh, but this is nothing new. It happens all the time, and I do wonder what motives the man has in mind for when you stay there. Sometimes these men work in networks, and have everything planned out so intricately: get the girl emotionally invested in the first week, maybe then she'll be at my feet. But whatever you do, I'd just stay friends with him, because usually relationships with these men are unforgettable but sadly short-lived.

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