Another reply to Becreative

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Jul 21, 2009 at 20:22

Be strong creative...I saw my life spiraling out of control and I kept giving the man chances. I too have deleted all ways of contact but I remember his old ids which I wish I didn't. Just be strong.

The man I knew totally hid that he had married another woman for a green card here in the USA when I didn't marry him quick enough. While he was calling me every day and seeing me I simply had no idea he had any ties with this woman. He didn't live with her at all so we were able to speak at any time we wanted and if I wanted to see him I could go to him or he'd fly to me.

I had no knowledge whatsoever that anyone else was in the picture. Now he is totally afraid I will make his life hard by reporting him to immigration and she came out of of the woodwork like a cockroach. As soon as he felt threatened by me he spoke with her to have her change all her webpages which used to bear her old last name to reflect her married name.

If you remember I stayed with him in Egypt and he was living wth me two months before he was married to her. To think I actually tried to let her know who he was, that he was playing us both but she never cared and was always very spiteful and mean to me. She knew the whole time about me and I didn't her. I mean...she knew her husband was having sex with me lol. I suppose they have some kind of agreement, a contract in which he agreed to pay her because he said he did but at the same time she sincerely thinks he might someday care for her by what she has said to me. Yet she persists in letting him sleep around with all these other women and assists him in getting what he needs and wants.

Why do women do this? I shall never know or understand. These women somehow find justice in what they do and feel the women these men screw, deserve it. I suppose she hopes someday he might really find her valuable in some way by her giving him the freedom to live a single life and still attain a green card and on top of it she probably even sacrifices important things to her, even money when he needs it. These men feel that they can walk all over western women and get away with anything they want and the reasons why is because women have shown they can. A man like this might even keep you as his wife for some time but a woman like this shall always be just one of the many women he is keeping.

He married her in Las Vegas in one night by the way and then they parted ways. Women understand one thing, A Muslim man isn't like Western men in marriage. Most people on this side of the world take marriage very seriously and go into a marriage hoping it lasts forever but Muslim men regard it as a contract and it's not a terrible thing to get divorced. Also, they can marry up to four women and so they always have this in the back of their minds.

Many Muslim men I meet basically regard women as there for their pleasing and they tend to want more than one but you won't know until after you have committed to him. Sameh would ask me at the beginning of our relationship a few times, what if he wanted to marry another woman? I found it odd because we weren't even in the honeymoon stage:) and I did wondered why he even thought about such things. These kind of questions shouldn't be taken lightly.

Listen to the man you have dealings with. He always means something in such questions even if he says he doesn't. I always held my ground and said noway which he didn't seem since he said it was a man's right in Islam. Seriously I'd never marry a man of Islam unless in a Mosque and even then I'd have everything in contract: while we are married he is not allowed to marry another and if he decides to divorce make it where he has to give you a huge amount of money. I know it's crazy but women protect yourself. Another thing, marrying a quick marriage in Vegas is not a serious marriage to most of them.

A real marriage would be one held in a Mosque in front of people, family and friends. His "so called wife" purposely puts his last name on all her accounts now to flaunt the fact and be mean to me but seriously I remember all his words. He said only a real marriage to him would ever be one done in a Mosque and in Arab countries the woman doesn't even take the man's last name. What his Greencard user here doesn't understand is, it's not a big thing. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if you are many years older than the man, lonely, sad, a bit overweight, or just out of a broken relationship, showing your weakness in general, these men are there to pick up the pieces and play on the emotions of the innocent and gullible. They act as though they are the experts at understanding and you are the most important creature in all the world to them at the time. It's really convincing. What you must remember is, you arent probably and will probably never be the only one he is saying all the crap to.

I really thought at one time it was worth everything for love to risk one's heart in matter such as this but the truth is, to find out that all along everything you ever knew for years (in my case - four years) of your life between you both,everything you thought was mutual and turned into all lies, all the trust you had for him, everything just dies in you.

In your mind you are totally left wondering how anyone with any kind of heart can do such a thing and...all the lies...all of it is the worst feeling in the world and it does more than break just heart. I had other friends from that were Arab and as great as many seemed, all trust is completely gone. I know Amber says risks are worth taking but keep in mind, these men don't usually take risks. You are the one. They are the ones taking from you in every way whether it be sex, money or green card....In the end, you are the one left to pick up the pieces and they are off finding the next gullible victim.

I am sorry I am harsh but it is what I have learned and I know not all people are the same but the majority that are looking for a woman not from their country are not doing so just because they love western women. They are doing it because they want better opportunities. They can get away with this kind of behavior as long as we let them.

So...If you come across the man on the right in this photo: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3574/3566901022_8945e5c3a3.jpg?v=0...know he is married to the woman in the middle even if he doesn't live with her and...he may never tell you about her and if he does he will only tell you it was always just for a greencard and you two can get married in a real marriage in a mosque. Unless of course you make trouble for him and jepardize his reputation and life. Then somehow she will ooze out of the woodwork and become the main substance of his life. Protect yourself.

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