Luigi ... you've struck out again :-)

Submitted by Curious (United States), Aug 13, 2009 at 21:19

I have to say it again, I think you must be reading someone else's post, because you're surely not reading mine with good comprehension.

My statement is far from an excuse for any woman (or man) to continue a relationship they can't be sure about. If you re-read the comment, I believe the statement says that a person should always be as close to 100% certain of a relationship ... or it's no go. You do speak and read the same English ... it seems that you do ??

And yes, in this life, you can't ever say "never".

Of course, I do realise that we don't live in a movie & the only dogs prevailing these days are the smartest dogs :-). However, Luigi, if you dont already know it, I can tell you that facts have a way of changing over the course of time.

The new facts:

1) In any culture, it WAS far more likely for an older man to marry a younger woman than vice versa. But, that biological difference that you speak of doesn't seem to carry much relevance any longer. Yes, it's true that women often mature faster than men. But, in this day and time, the preference of many women has changed, from that of an older man to preference for a younger man.

----b) In the old days, before women were self sufficient, it was very true that we wanted someone to protect us. But, that was another day and time, Luigi. Women now work, we are independent, and we no longer require that father figure that our grandmother's were looking for ... (security). As for it being a "given that your average older guy is always going to have experience, intelligence, and wisdom ... well, I think that's a great generalisation and no longer relevant to this day and time. As a matter of fact, Luigi, in this day, many younger men have strength, wisdom, and intellect that many older men lack. Why? Because of EDUCATION and experience in life to which many of their fathers did not have access at such a young age.

----c) So, you see, these old traditions of younger women marrying older men is changing, rapidly. And no, it's no longer an "occasional" thing that a couple marries with just a barely discernable age difference, actually, the age difference can be striking. I'll give you an example, if you go to many of the dating sites and look at age preference for many younger men, they will say 18-80, where as many of the older men will state a prefernence for younger. I can tell you, Luigi, I've met several older men who have become quite concerned about their inability to compete with the younger men who are now crowding them right out of the scene ... lots of these older men cant compete for the younger OR the older women. And why the attraction of the younger man for the older woman these days, Luigi? Well, probably because many older women take excellent care of themselves and can / do actually look better than they did when they were younger. How is that, you ask? Well, women don't bald, they don't develope the same sort of pot bellies that men develop over time, and frankly, we have cosmetic surgery available to us ... our grandmothers didn't have this advantage. So, you see, we can still compete in a game that many older men find quite difficult to play, in this day.

So, your observations about the old days are quite right, Luigi. But, that was the past. We are not living in the past, Luigi. Yes, it's true that many western men leave a lot to be desired, but as we've discovered here on this post, so do lots of middle eastern men. The only way to get a healthy, lasting relationship is to KNOW YOUR PARTNER, and if the potential candidate doesnt prove to have the characteristics and qualities desired, then our job is to lose their contact information, quickly.

At my age, I believe I know all about using caution in screening for potential friendship with a man, and if I havent said it once, I've said it at least four times ... sex is never, ever, an option on a casual basis, at least for me. Personally, I always try to discourage any discussion about sex, let them know that my interests are politics, history, the economy, world news, and if they don't have the same interests, then they need to go elsewhere, and most of them will because they're not capable of bullshitting their way to their goal. And, that's fine with me. I'm happy to be with the one or two who truly share the same interests.

It may also be true that many women here are looking for marriage, Luigi, I'll grant you that. I'm just trying to suggest to them that if they slow down, look at themselves more closely, think about what THEY want from a relationship (besides marriage), take a good long analytical look at their potential partner, then they might be all the better off.

Obviously, Luigi, many of these women ARE trying to be analytical or they would not be on this site. They can sense when something is wrong, so they come here for advice ... and that's a good thing.

Finally, we've established that not everyone is a scammer, but it still comes down to the fact that we all take responsibility for our own actions and the actions that we allow others to perpetrate, regardless of culture and other differences.

So, you see, Luigi, it is really pretty black and white after all. Either they really like and respect you, or they don't. If you're smart, take your time, use analysis and investigation, chances are you will work your way out of the bad relationships a little faster and steer toward a more healthy and satisfying relationship.

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