Older women and younger men in relationships

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Aug 16, 2009 at 00:14

I have to say it again, I think you must be reading someone else's post, because you're surely not reading mine with good comprehension.

pffttt!! Gee, like I haven't heard that one before! Listen, if you're going to waste your time insulting me, keep these two things in mind:

1) Your posts are going to edited and may not make sense and

2) At least come up with something creative! There's a lot of hurt people on here, and we could all use a good laugh every now and again.

My statement is far from an excuse for any woman (or man) to continue a relationship they can't be sure about. If you re-read the comment, I believe the statement says that a person should always be as close to 100% certain of a relationship ... or it's no go. You do speak and read the same English ... it seems that you do ??

More insults, Curious, Wow! My last post must have flustered you pretty good.

It is impossible to be 100% sure over the phone, internet or by mail or by visiting your man once every three months. Human communication capabilities and feminine biology say so, not me, Curious.

Using your logic, Curious, that would rule out every marriage and relationship on this site.

And yes, in this life, you can't ever say "never".

In reality, never is a word to get used to. That is the world we live, and you cannot see it if you are blinded by anger, love or cultural or age apologetics.

Your reinforcement of this statement does not change the facts or my stance.

Of course, I do realise that we don't live in a movie & the only dogs prevailing these days are the smartest dogs :-). However, Luigi, if you dont already know it, I can tell you that facts have a way of changing over the course of time.

Ah, yes! I should have seen this coming. That wonderful word "change". Ever notice, though, how people calling for change pretty much always never have any intention of changing themselves?

The new facts:

1) In any culture, it WAS far more likely for an older man to marry a younger woman than vice versa. But, that biological difference that you speak of doesn't seem to carry much relevance any longer.

They most certainly do!

Don't tell me you're one of those feminists who thinks that a few decades of post-modern feminism is going to even make a dent in over 200,000 years of human evolution.

There is an urge for a woman after a divorce with kids to seek another male, sometimes as soon as possible, in order to help raise the kids.

The most sound proof: Compare the success rate of long-term relationships and marriages between older men and younger women with that of the gender roles reversed.

The only thing that has "changed" is that there is an unwritten rule among younger men that getting down a divorced woman's pants is easy because they can take advantage of her, dump her, and move on. How do I know this? Well, gee, because I am 27 and see it and hear it ALL the time!!!

Bet you won't hear that in any Women Studies department!

Yes, it's true that women often mature faster than men. But, in this day and time, the preference of many women has changed, from that of an older man to preference for a younger man.

"It takes two to tango". Unfortunately, Curious, the attitude of your post-modern average male is still the same: easy sex = great time.

If anything, during "these days" as you seem to be referencing, post-modern liberal idealism has reinforced this idea to men I would estimate by several factors if it could be quantified.

That is a huge reason why this forum exists. Note that most of the women on here are divorced. Had these men been more compotent, the idea of a Muslim man would never cross their mind in probably every case.

----b) In the old days, before women were self sufficient, it was very true that we wanted someone to protect us. But, that was another day and time, Luigi. Women now work, we are independent, and we no longer require that father figure that our grandmother's were looking for ... (security)

I really got a kick out of this. Women have also told me that they don't like sex and that they don't care about appearance.

A field-tested techique that experienced men and players use is to get a woman to lower her barriers gradually. Once this is done it is amazing how sexual women can be.

As far as women not liking looks, well, my undergraduate university did a survey and found that over 40% of women preferred looks over personality, and two preferences were nearly dead even.

So, Curious, you are not even the first woman on this blog to tell me that yourself or women in general are independent. A lot of self-described independent, educated women on here end up meeting a man on-line, falling in "love" and end up being a second or third wife, a dutiful dishwasher, housewife and on call for sex.

Glad to see our tax dollars are so well invested in that wonderful "education".

. As for it being a "given that your average older guy is always going to have experience, intelligence, and wisdom ... well, I think that's a great generalisation

It is not a generalization, but a well established dating traditon and pattern that cannot be ignored or thrown aside for convience.

and no longer relevant to this day and time. As a matter of fact, Luigi, in this day, many younger men have strength, wisdom, and intellect that many older men lack. Why? Because of EDUCATION and experience in life to which many of their fathers did not have access at such a young age.

Tell me, Curious, what does it mean to get an "education" in the West these days, hm? To scare our kids about fake environmental disasters so that Al Gore can make money? To cancel voucher programs for African-Americans in inner cities to attend those dreadful religious private schools where they will learn that the ruling Democrat party and the great Obama really aren't in office to help them? Or that religion is a good thing and responsible for the stability of human soceity and that it will always defeat a secular one?

Pretty scary questions, huh?

Oh, in my field of engineering, we get a lot of our engineers from Asia. You know, Isreal, the Middle East, India, China, the Asian Tigers.

Why?

Because American students are by far and large busy getting wasted, watching the NFL, sleeping until noon and chatting on the internet with friends.

Rinse, wash and repeat for the next week.

Get the idea

All getting an education in this country means is that you have a slip of paper that is supposed to indicate you are trainable and can think critically.

I find that amusing since some of the dumbest, closed-minded people have gotten an education and lost their common sense and ability to think for themselves.

----c) So, you see, these old traditions of younger women marrying older men is changing, rapidly. And no, it's no longer an "occasional" thing that a couple marries with just a barely discernable age difference, actually, the age difference can be striking.

I don't see it. Show me. I don't know of one successful relationship like that.

Also, I can pretty much promise you that a young man will not look at an older woman and think relationship or even sex with her unless she looks younger than she is if the age difference is great. If you read the stories and requests on here carefully, you'll notice that many women are keen to point that they do not look their age but younger.

I'll give you an example, if you go to many of the dating sites and look at age preference for many younger men, they will say 18-80,

That's not what I had in mind.

I actually have not paid much attention to men on dating sites, but as a man myself I can assure that is not the case. Someone my age dating someone who is 80?

Yeah, right.

I'm 27 and would have reservations about dating someone who is 30.

There are two plausible explanations for this:

1) The person running the account has not specified their preferred age range. Age 18-80 is often a default that appears on the dating profile if no age parameter has been set

2) This is typical of scammers. A wide, general range to hook on as many clients as possible.

where as many of the older men will state a prefernence for younger. I can tell you, Luigi, I've met several older men who have become quite concerned about their inability to compete with the younger men who are now crowding them right out of the scene .

Then tell them they have little to worry about because

1) Relationships between younger men and older women rarely last long. If they can bear the brunt of seeing one of their female peers with a younger man for a while, they may have a chance later on

2) Unfortunately, the divorce rate is still as good as ever

3) In many Western countries, there are more women then men in the population.

4) All they have to do is ditch the "whose me, no one wants me cause I am old" attitude and make it happen!

5) They could persue someone younger. Those relationships work much better than their converse. You even said you see them state a perference for younger. That makes senes to me since younger women tend to be more fertile.

So, Curious, I don't see they have much to complain about.

.. lots of these older men cant compete for the younger OR the older women. And why the attraction of the younger man for the older woman these days, Luigi? Well, probably because many older women take excellent care of themselves and can / do actually look better than they did when they were younger. How is that, you ask?

A relationship based on appearance is doomed from the start. Age will catch up with you, and sooner if you are older. Then what? The man becomes uninterested and leaves you for another woman.

Well, women don't bald, they don't develope the same sort of pot bellies that men develop over time, and frankly, we have cosmetic surgery available to us ... our grandmothers didn't have this advantage. So, you see, we can still compete in a game that many older men find quite difficult to play, in this day.

I gave several points to older men, and age is an ex-factor, but if older flirt and calibrate their emotional states with women, they will have no problem.

Cosmetic surgery----like I said, relationships based on appearance don't last.

So, your observations about the old days are quite right, Luigi. But, that was the past. We are not living in the past, Luigi. Yes, it's true that many western men leave a lot to be desired, but as we've discovered here on this post, so do lots of middle eastern men.

I agree.

The only way to get a healthy, lasting relationship is to KNOW YOUR PARTNER, and if the potential candidate doesnt prove to have the characteristics and qualities desired, then our job is to lose their contact information, quickly.

I can clearly tell by this point that you've never really been struck down hard in an on-line scenario. Before I got heavily involved with it, I thought the same way, but I was amazed at how hard it was to just let go. I suffered through some pretty tough times, and it is more difficult than you realize, Curious, to just let go of someone like that.

One of my biggest concerns on here are women reverting back to their man. It has happened before. We also remember that the female brain has 25% more connectivity between the two lobes than the male brain.

At my age, I believe I know all about using caution in screening for potential friendship with a man, and if I havent said it once, I've said it at least four times ... sex is never, ever, an option on a casual basis, at least for me. Personally, I always try to discourage any discussion about sex, let them know that my interests are politics, history, the economy, world news, and if they don't have the same interests, then they need to go elsewhere, and most of them will because they're not capable of bullshitting their way to their goal. And, that's fine with me. I'm happy to be with the one or two who truly share the same interests.

Again, your point of view is that from the woman's. Mine is from the mans. I would not be surprised at all if these men are interested in sex, they just may not know the right techniques or enough of it to get you to let your guard down.

There is quite a difference about being friends and having a relationship; but for your own well-being, Curious, I have to tell you that it's very possible you and your "friends" may not be on the page.

It may also be true that many women here are looking for marriage, Luigi, I'll grant you that. I'm just trying to suggest to them that if they slow down, look at themselves more closely, think about what THEY want from a relationship (besides marriage), take a good long analytical look at their potential partner, then they might be all the better off.

Obviously, Luigi, many of these women ARE trying to be analytical or they would not be on this site. They can sense when something is wrong, so they come here for advice ... and that's a good thing.

Finally, we've established that not everyone is a scammer, but it still comes down to the fact that we all take responsibility for our own actions and the actions that we allow others to perpetrate, regardless of culture and other differences.

That would be a mistake. Cultural differences need to be taken into effect. Ever wonder why the divorce rate skyrocketed during the civil rights movement? Because people started marrying interracially to prove they were tolerant and to show off.

See any familiar tones of that in posts on here? I sure do.

So, you see, Luigi, it is really pretty black and white after all. Either they really like and respect you, or they don't. If you're smart, take your time, use analysis and investigation, chances are you will work your way out of the bad relationships a little faster and steer toward a more healthy and satisfying relationship.

You really need to ditch this black & white view of the world. It's something that I see all the time in clueless university progressives and it is getting them and our civilization in a lot of trouble.

The best probability for success with such advice you give is for real life of people of the same culture, race and religion.

That will not suffice on here because of the gap in communication over the internet. Such a gap cannot be simplifed by that general advice.

Again, if you read what most women say on here carefully, you'll notice, perhaps even better than I can, the conflict between their desires and their natural instincts. It's all because of the communication.

So, do you still think I've "struck out"?

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