Lucky escape

Submitted by Hannah (United Kingdom), Aug 18, 2009 at 19:08

Hi guys,

Haven't been on here for a while as I have been reading this site but never posted before been trying to make a go of my relationship with a muslim man from egypt, well what can I say this site opened my eyes, and I watched for all the signs that told me he was out for what he could get and I can say after 14 months the last month has been the worst.

Finally his true colours appeared . I used every way to try and test him in a kind way to find out whether he was real or whether he was a user and the crunch time happened this week. Our relationship has been up and down but not bad to the point in which I suspected him, just the distant problem had a strain. He was kind and fun and I have had some great times with him, cracks appeared when we had to make a decision to make a go and marry, so we have done nothing but try to sort out all the things that come with getting married etc... where we live, jobs and all that stuff and look at the best options for us both, we decided to work hard and save for the next 6 months and marry until this week, we arranged his visa to visit the UK knowing it may be refused but thought we need to try.

then out of the blue I get a message saying I'm not coming there, if you want me then you need to get the money for us to make a project in egypt which was a surprise as he put a figure on the amount of money and everything. I found this strange of him and would not give me a good reason to why he had changed his mind, except that its a waste of time for him and a load of other rubbish. I told him for any man to ask a women for money is shame and in his culture its a big shame, of course I refused and said there is no way I will just hand over money I have worked hard for and I am not even married to you and that you can't even stick to arrangements we have spoke about for months, I said well prove to me that you can do the things you have promised and we will talk again.

Instead of saying OK my love as you would expect to get from someone who says they love you and will do what ever its takes to have a good life together i get a mouthful of abuse, then a total disrepectful message saying give me £4000 pounds to get the project started and then we can marry and you come to Egypt, is this guy serious what planet is he living on, I ended up telling him that I don't pay for love or marriage I am not that desperate no matter how much I love this guy I am not a fool. I said that shame on him to say this to a women. I have given him many options to make us work even with me moving my life there, but there is always a problem or an excuse.

Well rather than me babble on, he basically told me after some strong words that if I was in front of him he would hurt me badly, but then continued to say i am not worth him losing his life to kill me, never in the time I have known him has he used these word or tones with me, i was in shock but extremely angry. All I can say I saw his true face and made a lucky escape, how dare he really I dont know who he thinks he is.

Just some background, he was a nice guy and I have a great relationship with his family, in fact they back me up on a lot of things as sometimes he has acted a bit childish, I have met them all and stayed with them, and spoke about them building us an appartment to help us and where we would get married etc... its been a intense 14 months, I have been and visited them 5 times since Jan and 3 times since June last year so I have spent quite abit of time with them and talking on the phone.

He is an educated man and has good prospects there with a good job, so not your normal tour guide guy, I have converted to islam after thinking about this for the last few years I did this with him in Cairo and was a lovely experience and I embrace Islam its what I beleive in, so we have alot in common he is a religious man, they have been kind with me when I was there giving me jewelery and not letting me pay for a single thing, which embarrassed me, they have also accept that I have a child from a previous relationship and he has been involved with them all and visited them too, in fact they have been great with him. So to be where we are now is a complete shock to me, in fact I am still taking it all in, but I will say I am not one to go back, he has blown it with me now, I want nothing to do with this guy, I would probably be dead if I stuck with him, I am hurting but I will not die, I need to sort out my life now and my son, thats all that matters to me now.

I will say to all women out there who rush anything with these men be very careful it took a long time for me to get this side out of him, in fact I never thought he would ever be like this, he is a monster that thought he could get me at a weak point of being so in love with him that I would do anything to be with him, well I can say he has picked the wrong girl for that I am too strong minded and wont accept the way he treated me the last month by anyone. I will not lie I love him dispite what he said, but the reality is he doens't love me.

Please all you women never give any of them money no matter how hard you find it to say no, they want it to be greedie and will move on to the next one if they don't get what they want from you. Not all are bad I know many people who are happy who I have met in Egypt and it can work, but be sensible and ask yourself if they behave in strange ways or are unkind would you accept that of a man from your own country. You need to go in with your head and eyes first and your heart second, I have seen and met guys there that take complete advantage of women, every two weeks a different one visiting them, this is very common with young men and older western women, so ladies don't be fools your there meal ticket, many marry you on a orfi marriage that is worth nothing is a contract for sex and they can get away with it with the police, they probably have wifes or are looking for money for there funds for a young wife, really there morals are a disgrace. But I have also met lovely men with western women and they are happy and doing well, so you just need to be sensible and use your brain in a smart way to find out all you can about the person that loosely says they love you.

Good luck to you all in relationships I hope they work for you.

Hannah.

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