Thoughtful Advice to Sherry on Sudanese Man

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Sep 1, 2009 at 03:50

Hi Sherry!

Wow, after reading your post, your story reminds me of an American woman I dated off of a dating site some years ago.

The first thing I can tell you Sherry is that people do not like change. The woman I dated did all the things your man did---show nude pics of himself to others, say "I love you" without meaning it.

Things like this are quite common in on-line dating, Sherry, regardless of where your man is from orginally or what he is doing now.

In your response to Lisa USA, you mention that you hope your man will change. I suspect this may be in part to the fact that you treat him nice and that he must see the light sooner or later.

As a guy, Sherry, I can say that your putting up with his nonsense only tells him that he can get away with it. This man does not respect you and to be frank, Sherry, by staying with him, you are giving him permission to continue this behavior, and I can assure you that he will indulge himself in all the sex he can get away with. If you stay with him and move in with him and become his wife, in all liklihood, Sherry, it will change very little. The next step for this man is have physical contact with other women, if he has not already done so. That is the direction I see this heading because for one thing, Sherry, he has no reason to stop. You've already said to us that he won't lose you over it, so this man of yours can do as he pleases with nothing to lose.

I was in the exact same situation you were, Sherry. Everyone told me to leave this woman, but I could not do it. I felt like I had to stay with her.

My relationship with my woman was an on and off disaster for nearly 1.5 years, and that was bad enough. Had her parents not intervened and given me the real details, there's no telling how bad things could have gotten. At first, it was fooling around on-line, but eventually, she met with at least one guy for sex.

You mention that he has some good characteristics. I'm sure he does, Sherry, or I doubt you would have been with him for so long or been attracted to him. But now, you've found out a side to him that is nasty. Don't underplay the fact that he cheated on you and is bound to do it again.

Listen, Sherry, no one is 100% bad.

I wish I could tell you that leaving this man will make you feel better. It certainly will not at first, but I can pretty much promise you that staying around will be even worse.

I don't expect you to just shut this man out of your life cold turkey because we say so, Sherry. It will take time, and unfortunately, it will hurt, but in the long run you will be better and stronger for it. I have no doubt that he will fight you on a break-up despite his behaviour, but just remember, Sherry, this man does not respect you and sees you as a sure thing.

Also, Sherry, please do return as often as you need to.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".