To Jasmine

Submitted by Life is Beautiful (Ireland), Sep 1, 2009 at 20:12

Hello my dear Jasmine,

I answered to you today couple of hours ago you might receive 2 postings from me to you. My situation is slight different. First of all I was with a legal person 100% who never asked me to marry me for ligal reasons...he is working legally pay his taxes and waiting for a UK Passport...He is really moral in that and he never took advantage of my EU background...not that I would let him...I love but I am far of giving so much to anyone apart from my family...my issues were different...no commitment..issues....no living together apart from couple of years ago that actually was worse...and it was much better for me to stay in my flat and his in his own flat...since then we were better even if he is in my place everyday...at least....we did not have that much fights and cause of the 1 month Ramadan...also....at the moment there is Ramadan....and I came back from his place...he is gentleman and he is treating me with generosity in that prospect...other are the issues...

First of all I am jealous...and I used to be MAD jealous...couple of years ago and especially until 2 years ago...he made me so jealous of his looking to other woman that I had stopped to be polite anymore...I had transformed to a VULGAR person...shouting and using bad language...he was brining me a character..that I have never experienced...I am mediterreanean and my blood is boiling...but not in that way....he made me to speak badly when I was nervous...I was using manupilating words to revenge him....no civilised situation at all....I was like an ANIMAL....in the cage....try to escape but at the same time with this passion and sex I was gettin back to my cage...I was like a drug addicted...sex was my drug with him to calm down the situations...passion was running my relationhsip...and no the logic...

3-4 years ago....and especially 2 years ago...the logic came to my life..THANK GOD for me....and maybe no so much the logic but the tiredness of not getting the answers...i had used all the scenarios....many weekends by my self...worried....if i will spent it with him or he will leave me to go out with his friends....after 5 years relationhsip that time....you suppose to see you man 95% is nt it..the weekend...not for me it was the opposite...with the first chance...he was going out....with his job that I never met in my life...and with many male friends..( apparently I am getting along with his arab friends..they are like brothers to me) my issue was with his european friends....that he was neglected me for is it Ironic....not from his arabs...he was hiiden me from the international friends..I was feeling hidden...and then my self steam went down..( I am not the model look but I am not ugly at all I have my style and I have been in relationhsips since 18 with only 2 years break) maybe this is the reason that I need man beside me because all my life I had 3 Big Big relationships and now I have to move on on my own...but it is challenge...

and apart from that i did not have the offer to move with him and make plans...I spent 8 nice and bad and original and passionate years hoping for plans...until not i have no answers...i am 2 months before my goodbye to UK and to him and i have no answers and suggestions...how a man can leave me go like that,...when I have been not always so polite but faithfull 100% and honest with him...for the last 8 years...I feel more man than him....but i am running out of suggestions...i asked him to come in some stage to italy and to make muslim kids....but i am noy staying in UK simply because i want to be beside my parents...and not here in a foreign country plus the issue of my relationship...I am leaving so soon and he is just looking at me and the other day he told me that he is planning to visit me in Italy at Xmas time to spent time with me...and I am thinking...yes I am delighted....for him to come...but he will be in my city and after he will leave no answers again and me more hurted even inside my city you know what I mean...there is love but somewhere this man...is stopping and for sure it is the religion....big time the GAP between me and him...he is scared that I will keep the kids and I will bring him in the EU court...and all these...he has his fears....he is not sure...after 8 years who i am....and apart from that...he grew up through this relationhsip maybe he did wherever he neeeded to do while he was keeping me beside him because more likely he did not want to lose me....

but from the other hand...my biological clock is running so fast i am turning 39 in few months and he is only 33.....he has the time in his life...and what about me...For me this relationship had the issue of religion,behavour...immaturity...and maybe lack of education....I love him so much...this is the longest relationship I had....we are 8 full years together,...it is not a joke...and I have 8 weeks left...but...when I remember the negative moments...there are a lot...always I was feeling a gray cloud above my head since I met him...I had control when I met him...because I did not see him seriously just for fun but I had the gats to tell him that....and after he took over and the last 6 months...I took over the weel of my life...I am ups down becasue...we have really good time for the last 2 years and more close and mature together...and I do not want to start everything from scratch...I do not want to through someone in the bins...I have tried so much...and I want him as father of my kids...but he has not the gats to come to Italy that he could marry me and live maybe happily...he has not suggest anything...the silence for me is a big NO or a big I DO NOT KNOW...obviously...he is not planning to do anything with me...

the last week he told me that he wants to come to italy for Xmas to see how he feels and how I feel after 8 years he does not know what HE FEELS.....how comes...I think I have put this man really high and i believe when I go back to my routes and in Italy far from him then I will realise and maybe I will stop him even to come at Xmas...I do not know...I have put already my rules..to come at Xmas and after to decide....to move to Italy or not...I am not planning to have a MSM relationship or a SKYPE relationship...I will end up 45 talking to virtual man on the Camera...no thanks...I am from the old school I want to feel someone beside me to touch him and to talk to him....if he cannot commit...then...

At the moment...I made a big step to leave UK and him...i cannot be strong and give answers in everything in my heart...at the moment my heart is bleeding....I am ups down every day because my time is coming....but I know as I will reach Italy I will be happier than the period that I transit at the moment...be beside him and know that I have 8 weeks left...

regarding you...my friend...try to be away from all these and try to find another interest to occupate your mind...how long you are apart?6-7 months?have you met anyone else?have you hade anything with anyone your months that you have been single...where are you from?are you french?what was the issue mostly?religion?illegality?bad behavour?I am here for you my friend...if I can help...ok?Be in touch and please stop to message him even as anonymous....you are still communicate with the same person who has hurted you so much...yes?better off all these....and try to clear your mind with this computerised relationship....via different names...

I do not know I think we have made them GODS....they are Fire in bed also...it is more addiction than love...i am telling you....they know it and they have it....

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