anon...mixed marriages/relationships/age factor

Submitted by lisa (United States), Sep 9, 2009 at 09:35

Anon, I read this board the link you posted concerning the views on mixed marriages. You can't base a relationship on a few posters opinions and some of what I read is saying mixed marriage is not a problem for some. Some posted they feel it is racism to feel this way to say "stay with your own".. Some people like younger women, some like older....my mom was married to a man about 10 years younger and they were happy and my step-father has been dead for a couple years now....he died before her suddenly (heart attack) see we never know. Age is a preference thing. I do know some of these men are in mid 20's hooking up with women in 60's....I do not agree with this. To me it is shame that much older and I would also question "what the heck are these women thinking" what do you expect? I think these men will at some point walk away for younger woman or they may even wait to see what they inherit. I don't see this relationship being a solid one and I know my husband will agree and has agreed concerning one couple....He says in his opinion 10 years maybe most he will be interested in being older. If you are not the same age, they wnat you to at least look about the same age...this is just from my 33 yr olds point of view on older women. Lets face it, if you are much older than 10 years, you will not look close to same age,lol...it is noticeable.

I am in a mixed marriage to a Moroccan man and we both love each other very much and we respect one another and our love. We both have an understanding of one another and we don't fight, but then again neither have given the other any reason too. I know from my experience, my husband is not interested in his culture of women at all. Im not sure if its because he had several sisters and he doesn't like their views on most things and see how they can be so materialistic and cause so much drama at home. He doesn't have a steady source of income but live in a very nice family home (home here in US would be considered rich) with parents, he considers himself poor only because of the job situation, he owns no home for himself or car but is well educated..... so he is looked upon as not having much to offer women there. I know he liked my views because it didn't matter to me what was in his wallet but what was his intentions and what is in his heart. I can honestly say too he has a big heart.. Women being materialistic has been a very big turn off for him and the fact he once lost a girl he loved in university years (4 year relationship) by her leaving him to marry a rich man or a man considered well off in morocco. You will have different views on mixed relationships. Same here in USA. We have racism in all countries I am sure. We do not all have the same views of life or an open mind when it comes to what is different to us. There will always be the few who will not accept others especially when we view mixed marriages. I have teen girls and I can say I will feel the same if they wanted or asked to fly off to another strange country to meet and marry a man/boy. Its our instincts and our protective nature, and what we were told all our lives by our fathers and the fathers before them. We try to protect our loved ones from the unknown and don't want to see them hurt. If my daughters did get into this situation, i am sure I would not encourage it as well, but would it be fair of me when I have met someone that is good who is different? No, so its their lives and they will learn from their own mistakes. Here in USA foreignors have always been looked down on, joked about, bad things said, hatred. Reason being, they can come here and most become your hotel chain owners, store owners, resturaunt owners,the list goes on and the men and the USA citizens do not take too kind to this. At the same time they have the same oppurtunities waiting too if they worked hard and want this. We are quick to blame them because of being foreign. My point is because of this, most don't care or approve of mixed marriages concerning foreignors. You also have the difference in religions and upbringings. Most havea CLOSED mind when it comes to religion different from their own. But its human.

I read this board with the ladies here posting and it upsets me that these ladies are in a bad relationship and they have their lives on hold waiting for the next "IF and WHEN" their man will call them, e-mail them even after their break-ups. They break up because they proved they were bad men with bad intensions and still they allow these men that are bad to continue abusing them and they pray deep down inside he will reach out to them. Why would you want to be treated in this manner when there are good men every where? What I don't understand from reading here, why women SEEK men from these other countries. If it happens by chance its understandable. I didn't tell myself I have to have a Moroccan man or a Turkey man, USA man, etc.....Look at the person and read into everything he says. I think you can see his true nature/characteristics.

If he is over jealous, over reactive, rude, selfish, blameful, controlling (wants your e-mail passwords)...if he can't trust you, maybe its cause he can't trust himself?.... wants money, talks about self too much, puts others down constantly, has unexplained or un-excusable abscenses....these are men you want to stay away from and will not make a good husband/boyfriend. If he lies once, he will lie again, if he cheats once, he may cheat again....don't be so forgiving. There are honest men and good men. I think the good men will not be on the computer constantly with you or on the phone constantly. ( but he will want to contact you at least once/twice daily) To me this would be a big red flag.... Just my opinion....I know with my husband we choose times to talk on-line to see one another. If either can't make it or will be late out of respect for one another we call one another to explain. Good men will not hang around computers all day or all night. Most men dislike sitting still and being confined (foreign men are no different)...They will not be on the phone with you all day as well when it is so expensive to call (they would be caring of the money you are spending).....men who have nothing to hide would not be offering you their passwords so easily (my opinion- the good ones will agree you both have your private moments and no one wants to feel you always have to prove yourself by being so controling. What kind of relationship will you have once you are married if you started your relationship in this manner??? Don't get me wrong now....my husband gives me permission to call at any time and when I do call, he always answers hello babyyyy and he always ends it with I love you and it doesn't matter which friend he is at coffee with or if he is walking the streets, etc. I think my husband has some different views than most. I was once told by a neighbor my husband is more american than Moroccan and he could never be happy with a moroccan woman because of this....the other day he told me he was at coffee with a frnd and his frnds girlfrnd walked up and she noticed his wedding band...she says Oh so you really are married? She then proceeds with when will you leave? We are just now doing paperwork this week. I told him so now you can go back and tell others maybe 5 months you will leave if we are lucky (processing time as of June 2009) . He says "baby...Its my life...no one needs to know and I don't owe them anything") I thought maybe he was embarrassed cause we did not file already and we had no news to tell others WHEN but it was the opposite, he just didn't like them nosing into his private life. He has always felt you don't tell everything to others about your life, only the ones who matter the most....I know I ramble on, but I hope some of what I post can help others make wise decisions or know what to watch for and hopefully we all can make wise decisions from others experiences.

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