Wish I had listened to Yasemin

Submitted by Pandora (United States), Sep 9, 2009 at 23:03

Jennifer,

you are in good company. I got into a relationship with a Turkish man younger than me (I'm in my 40's). I met him when I went to get gas one day (he worked there). I was vulnerable, just out of a heartbreaker of a relationship and we clicked. However, over time, he showed his real side. He is Muslim and I am Catholic. He said he was in love early on, wanted to marry and have me move in. He would pose the emotional blackmail in the tenderest of moments, and he seemed for real. But when I first took a breath and told him we had to slow it down because it was going at a pace not for me (I also have a child I have to think of), he got angry and blamed me for wasting his time.

Other disrespect he showed me was talking on the phone to his family and telling me to be quiet. I read the books, I told my story here, got good advice, but I still couldn't find the strength to break the chain. My self-esteem had taken a nosedive. I figured that the rollercoaster passion was better than the blandness and pain of no one and so I settled for it. Well, tonight, I was helping him contact car insurance co's and getting quotes for this car he just got (and his visa was renewed until March 2010...at which time I hope he leaves), and so I brought him a printout of a quote. He was talking with me, saying he had to borrow $1500 from a friend because he had loaned money to his friends (and they wasted it, not paying him back). He looked off in the distance and saw a car. He moaned the fact that this was a customer that he had wanted to see...a woman. And he wanted her phone number because she could possibly "help" him. (Help to him means anyone with a pulse who can get him a green card).

He often blamed me and put me down for not 'helping' him and often threatened to find someone else who can. He also had thought of conning the gov't by pretending to be gay so he could get refugee status. He chickened out. Anyhow, I stormed off out of there, blocked his number, texts, and wrote him an incendiary letter. This is it. I can't have my life in such shambles and take piecemeal love when I can get much better here at home.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".